Spontaneity

Not sure if anyone else feels this way, but one of the woes (?!) I face when meeting friends is deciding on where to eat. If both of us are the 'anything' or the non-fussy type, unlike those who consider back and forth over what they can or cannot eat because they are sick/diet conscious/just simply fussy, it gets even harder because two people are just leaving the decision making to the other party and on this occasion, I made the decision! Met up with Suxian again for our appointment at Scotts Square and we had dinner after. Because we were both hungry, we just decided on this restaurant at Scotts Square itself, called Delicious I think? Fastest time we took to decide on a place for dinner, really. Very pretty menu. 

Curry fries with beef and somewhat curry-like sauce. We were choosing between a side or a dessert, and decided on this because we saw the diners at the next table having this and thought it looked good. But the curry was too strong for my liking. Still enjoyed it though because it's fries, but I couldn't help the nagging feeling of trans-fat, saturated fats, cholesterol at the back of my head. So we didn't finish it. Lesson learnt: Not to order things that other people order however nice it looks. I shall stick to my chef's recommendations. Haha I always tell my Mum that I trust the chef's recommendations stated in the menu to choose the food I want to order if I have problems deciding. (googled the menu and couldn't find this on it anymore. I'm guessing they took this off. The diners at the other table beside ours told the waiter that this wasn't nice and maybe this was a common feedback.)

Suxian's pasta with beef bacon (went to google the menu and found that this is called Napolicious). It was a really huge portion, though it doesn't seem like it. The plate was really huge to begin with, hence the pasta looks so little in comparison. There was a lot of beef bacon which I took quite a few of, since she preferred the pasta more. Haha I always prefer the meat over carbs. It was rather nice and quite worth it for the price since there was an ongoing promotion at that time. 

My aglio olio with added seafood. Again, quite a big portion of pasta, which I couldn't finish. I still have no idea what those white pieces on top of the pasta are. It tasted like cheese, yet not really. I liked the seafood because it was fresh and in a generous serving. The pasta was a little bit dry though, but I like pastas in general so it was fine. Not an expert in pastas so I shall not comment. My gold standard, like I always say, is the TCC's seafood aglio olio. This was okay but I wouldn't try it again. 

This is why I like working. I like a job where I can leave my work behind in the office and I'm always all smiles when I sign-out because I finished yet another day of work and can go home to rest or meet my friends for dinner. And during dinner, we give each other the run-down about the events of our day, catch up and basically talk about anything. This is how friends are. Not needing to be in contact every minute of the day (this sounds more like lovers..), yet no awkward silences when we meet. This is exactly how I imagined days to be like when I start work. The simple joys of life. 

So, to link my title to this post, I guess spontaneity is not such a bad thing afterall. You never know what it might bring or what you might find, not just in terms of food here, but for other things in life. I kind of spontaneously decided that I wanted to graduate and never looked back since. Not such a bad outcome at all. 

Spontaneously accompanying Suxian to the Yusof Ishak house during the first week of school in year one after lab when we barely even knew each other at all and asking her to join us for lectures and meeting at Woodlands to go to school together, a great decision it was because I found such a good friend. 

I can actually go on and on about more spontaneous things but I guess I'll save those reflections for another day.

You're just someone I used to know

That feeling when someone you used to know has moved on without you in their lives.

And the fact that they appear happier than they were when in your presence never ever feels good.

But then, we never really know, do we? People choose to portray what they want to. And I, no longer privy to their deepest thoughts can only know what they want us to know.

I really resent the fact that everyone has to move on. That someone I used to know so well is now a stranger to me. I hate to be the only one feeling this way, thinking about the what-ifs and what would have been while the other party feels like they're better off without me in their lives. The thing I resent the most is that I'm erased out of their lives like I never made a mark on their porcelain perfect lives.

Yet, if I claim that they would match so well in my life, why am I still living normally? I guess it's just the familiarity and the closeness I miss so much. Yet it's not meant to be. I know that someday, I will realise the reasons why but for now I really can't comprehend the reasons behind the broken friendships that I once thought would last for a long long time.

Still, I continue to trust and put my faith in God's hands because God will never forsake me and some day when I find the reasons behind these, I know I will be so thankful for the trust I had in His plans.

Favourite cake

Does anyone have a favourite cake? I know all I talk about is food and the occasional drabble sometimes, but I really love having nice food! Sometimes when I anticipate that I'd have something more unique, my bubble is totally burst when someone suggests food court. Like !$^*))@%&(&%$#. Not that I always want to have expensive food or anything, I do eat at food courts, coffee shops and hawker centres during my lunch time and I enjoy hawker fare like yong tau foo, dumpling noodles and all.. But my point is that if someone is going to suggest food republic or something, I rather eat something nicer by paying a little more.

So here's my favourite cake, or just one of my favourites, or just another in my whole long list of favourites. Hahaha. The starbuck's Chocolate peanut butter stack! What more can I ask for? All my favourites in a cake. But I really do need to state that I cannot finish one entire slice on my own! CVD, Diabetes and HTN will all come looking for me if I do finish one whole slice. Meant to be shared among two or more people. Look at the thick layer of caramel. This is also my grandma's favourite. She actually told me to learn how to make. But how, I cannot find any recipe for it. With so many different layers of. chocolate and peanut butter,  I doubt it'd be any easy work so I'm much better off buying one slice from Starbucks. Better than baking one entire cake and having to try very hard to desperately finish the cake.

Next up, two cakes I tried recently at Pique Nique because my Mum had a one-for-one voucher!

Red velvet cake. First time trying a red velvet cake! I know this is so random, but  the powder(??) or rather, cake crumbs at the top always remind me of a golf course, though it's not green at all. No idea why. Really pretty looking, but sadly was a little too dry for our liking. I liked the cream cheese though! Better shared. I always think it's good to share desserts, then you get to try a bit of everything, right?

Chocolate caramel cake! Wow this was really really good. Don't be fooled by its plain and ordinary brown looking exterior, it's full of goodness inside. Okay I know this sounds like some tagline out of an advertisement, but really! Topped with a chocolate shortbread and layer of ganache, beneath lay a layer of salted caramel (which I tried for the very first time) and mini cubes of chocolatey things (really have to use 'things' because I have no idea what they were) and the last layer which was chocolate mousse. But as always, I wouldn't be able to finish this on my own. Too much of something good can become bad as well. Reminds me of a quote from Joy Luck club about Lena and her ice cream. 'I wondered why eating so much ice cream made me feel so terrible', something like that. 

Pot of Earl Grey tea which we ordered as well. We were pretending to have high tea when it was already six in the evening. Hahaha. It was nice having a cup of warm tea after having the cakes. 

Sometimes when life gets too routine, I can't help but fall into the trap of thinking that everyone with a certain condition behaves/thinks the same way. But this is so untrue. No two people are ever the same, so how can I treat them all the same? Which is why I admire people who can remain dedicated in their job even after 20 years. Hence I constantly remind myself that 'Everyone has a story.' Everyone is a dearly loved son/daughter/father/mother, however they might behave. I believe by having constant reminders, this will become a habit in time to come. And while I once mentioned that one should never compare oneself with others, I believe that everyone should strive to be a better person than they were the day before. And that is how we improve.

Wonderful weekends

In my imagination, weekends were meant to be spent looking for nice cafes, trying out food at never-been-to restaurants. Basically nothing significant but just enjoyable so that we face the next week refreshed and ready to take on the coming week.

So I finally got to go to Strictly Pancakes. I've been looking at their menu since like forever. Rather accessible and it was within walking distance from Dhoby Ghaut MRT station. It was already rather crowded when we arrived at about 12. I think we got the last seats, so I guess we were quite lucky and didn't need to wait. 

Maple syrup and butter. They had quite a few choices of butter. Su xian and I both chose garlic and herb butter. I liked the maple syrup glass which was designed to slant sideways. I really really love pancakes. I don't really like carbohydrates in general, like rice or noodles, but give me pancakes and waffles anytime! And I don't even need them garnished with any special sauce or cooked in any special way. Just pancakes or waffles drizzled with honey or maple syrup would make me a happy girl. 

So here's my double stack, basically just two pancakes looking so pathetic. Didn't want to add sides like eggs or sausages because Su xian suggested having the sweet pancakes as a dessert to be shared. And the waitress taking our orders actually looked a little shocked that we wanted to order three 'sets' for just two of us. It came with just the two pancakes on the huge plate so I hurriedly placed the butter and maple syrup on the plate to make it look less pathetic hahaha. The pancakes were really fluffy and thick, unlike the ones we make at home. And these pancakes tasted less sweet as well, if you get what I mean. Pancakes usually taste a little sweet, right? And I actually finished the maple syrup, while Su xian finished her butter. 

Su xian's Chicken a la king. She says it tasted good! I think I tasted the chicken which was chicken fillet. So it wasn't tough or dry like the chicken breast. 

And here! The dessert pancake I've been wanting to try: What a spread! A mixture of all my favourites. Peanut butter pancakes with nutella spread and ice cream! And the kinder bueno is a bonus. Hahaha. I actually wanted to order just this and Su xian insisted that this was a dessert. And when they served this after we finished our first 'set', the girls at the next table looked at us like we were gluttons. There they were at their tables complaining that they couldn't finish their own set of pancakes and here we were, starting on our dessert. But they did admit that this looked really good. And I loved this so much, really. I'm going to order this again if I ever visit once more. And this time, it will be my main course. Though the peanut butter taste was not really strong, it tasted good with all my favourite flavours mixed altogether. 

Had a really satisfying meal and as usual, I didn't know how full I was until moments after I finished my meal, which meant that I actually over-ate again. But I let it pass then because it's my favourite food of all time. Shall look for more places that serve pancakes! Please don't tell me Macdonald's Hotcakes, though I used to like those too, but I've since stopped having Macdonalds because of articles I read about how unhealthy they are and all so..

Beauty

On the way home today I pondered over the concept of beauty. After spending a huge part of my first salary and possibly even my savings on facial sessions and beauty products recommended by the lady who does my facials, I couldn't help but feel a huge pinch, a really really huge pinch.

Thinking in my heart 'These products better be good and last me a year or more because they cost so much. I'm going to make them last, by using them sparingly each time.'

We all fall prey to the words of beauty advisors, or simply people who claim they know more about beautifying than us. Taken in by their words and believing that we really can become what they claim we can become, we willingly pay for the products and decide to give them a try, forgetting about the huge amount of products we still have sitting at home untouched.

More than the products, I feel it's the glimmer of hope that we pay for. The hope that things will get better. Such is the nature of humans, to always yearn for something better than what they currently have. Hardly ever satisfied, we crave for more. And that is how these businesses thrive, beauty parlours and slimming centres alike.

Such things we all know, yet we still fall. I guess that is how we all are. So there I go again, hoping these products will be the last I try.

Perhaps I should change all the 'We' in the paragraphs into 'I', but I'm pretty sure there are many people like me around so I'll just leave it that way.

On a side note, I think the easiest way to derive happiness from work is to align your own personal goals with the goals of the work you're doing. Once one is able to do that, fulfillment of work-related goals will make one happy and satisfied. Right now, I'm able to say that I've really made the right decision in choosing this job, albeit its emotional side effects and how I get upset and worried when checking results as well as having to continue being independent. But that is how we all learn, when we're forced (not really, I chose it knowingly) into the situation. So I will definitely rise up to the expectations and know that I will emerge a stronger person through it all.

Imperfect

Most of the time, we all get irritated at others because of things they do or things they don't do. All this time, feeling irritated/annoyed, picking at others' faults. Never once looking back at ourselves. All this time, thinking we are perfect and blameless.

And since we aren't, who are we to get angry at others when they're just being themselves?

Often, it just takes a little reflection to realise how ridiculous I can be, in terms of getting angry and all. I always think I'm irritated at others, but upon closer inspection of my feelings, I get ashamed of myself and in turn get annoyed at my own childishness or immaturity.

I have always thought that I have reached a certain level of maturity and would frown upon people who say that I'm immature. Thinking again, I'm not as mature as I think I am and I really want to think deeper, think more for others, be more gracious, be more accepting of others and most importantly, stop thinking of myself. I know it is human nature to put oneself first, to think about one's own benefits. But I really hate that I'm so selfish. Although I stop when I realise I'm thinking too much for myself and start putting others first before myself, why can't I exclude myself from the equation altogether? We need to stop being so calculative with people who we care about and who care for us. I can gladly say that I'm trying to and making good progress.

I have so much more to learn in life, so much more to ponder upon now that my mind is uncluttered and free of lecture notes and exams. And for life's lessons, I guess one truly needs to open their eyes and heart to learn, for the answers will never be as simple as regurgitating a whole set of notes.

I want to be a better person than I was the day before. I think it's a goal we should all strive towards. At least it shows that we're always becoming better each day compared to the day before.

Another aspect that God has been speaking to me about is forgiveness. Although I don't admit this often, I can't deny that I find it really difficult to forgive people and their actions. While I can not mention it at all, it doesn't mean that I have forgotten what caused me hurt. I think it's like my own protective mechanism because if I remember what caused the pain or disappointment earlier, I wouldn't feel the same hurt all over again if a similar incident happens again. I really look forward to the day that I can say I forgive. For now, I need to try harder.

드디어

I actually typed majority of this post on 19th September, which was the day I went for the interview for the job I got. No idea why I did that. Nothing was set in stone and I even had another interview the day after. It wasn't that I was sure that I got the job or anything, but I felt like it was just different from the previous interviews I went for and for the first time, I stepped out of the building happily smiling like an idiot. So here goes, my thoughts on interviews and job searches.

I won't go into detail about answering specific questions since you can just Google for the answers like I did, I'll focus more on more practical aspects. I don't claim to be an expert since I've had my hard times and have experienced the feeling of failures and dejection so many times during this time before I got a job, stumbling many times during my previous interviews, not knowing what to say.

1. Know what you want

Okay I know this is not really an interview tip but more of a job search tip. Really, this is first and foremost the most important thing that you need to know, and I guess no one can tell you what you want except yourself. After I finished my exams, I was really at a loss, because I didn't know what I wanted out of life, didn't know what I wanted to do, didn't know what jobs to look for. But luckily for me, I was given opportunities to realize what I wanted to do. So take the time to think about what you want, and once you realise it like I did, you'll be able to move in that direction!

Also, there is really no point in applying for a job that you don't have any interest in. I actually applied for some which I felt I didn't mind doing, like research (?!!). But when the interview looms upon you, you'll just feel really sian and all, thinking why other jobs that you actually want don't call you up for interviews while jobs that you don't really want call you up instead. And even if they offer you the job (which would be quite unlikely because they can tell if you're suitable for the job, so you technically waste your time and transport fare), you are unlikely to accept it since it's not what you want. That's why it's important to just apply for those you truly want! I learnt the hard way and went through so much struggles but it's fine! I think of it as lessons to learn before I reach my destination and get what I want. 

2. Be honest

Be honest with the interviewers, and more importantly, yourself. I don't believe in lying, and can't bring myself to tell lies, so I probably have a harder time during interviews because I can't boast/inflate my capabilities to even sound convincing, so I just worked with the strengths that I knew I had and told the truth. I mean of course you need to prepare for the interview by reading up on what they do, what they're about. and think of possible answers to their questions. The standard ones like 'Tell me about yourself', 'What are your strengths and weaknesses?', as well as 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'. But don't actually memorise the answer. Just think of what you want to say and then elaborate on them during the interview. It would help to read through and know the job description and job requirements very well. For my last two interviews, I read and tried to understand all the information stated in the job advertisement and it helped when I had to ask them questions. It would also appear to them that you've prepared well and that would give you an edge over others! And DO NOT MEMORISE A SCRIPT. Because half the time you'll be trying to remember the exact words and look so unnatural. Just keep your mind open and you'll naturally think of things to say, I feel!

3. Remain calm
My friend told me to take a deep breath and enter the interview room but I didn't do that although I always wanted to. So, just remain calm and don't feel nervous. Think of it as a casual conversation between you and the interviewers. Afterall, you're getting to know what the job is about and whether it's suitable or not, and not just them deciding whether you're suitable for the job. It was in the interviews that I remained calm and truly felt like I was having a conversation with the interviewers that I felt I did better. Not trying to say that I was very good, but I felt like I was showing a more natural side of myself (in spite of the slight nervous-ness). I was glad when they laughed and joked a bit. I'm not sure if that's how they were naturally friendly, but it certainly made me feel much better. Co-incidentally, in the interviews where the interviewers were really friendly were the jobs that I received offers from. 

4. Have faith

When you've done your best during the interview, thinking that it went well, that maybe 'Yes! This is it. I'm getting the job for sure.' But one week comes and goes, with no phone call/e-mail from them. Friends or school mates who graduated together with you have found jobs while you're still waiting for that call or new calls from other companies. It's inevitable that you might feel upset and that things might be unfair, but always remember at any point in time, don't ever feel that you're lousier than them or that they're better than you. I admit it's easy to sink and wallow in despair, to complain and rant over why others are luckier, why you're so unlucky, why you need to suffer all these.

Really, it's just a matter of waiting for the right job to come. It's not just about you looking for the job, it's actually also the right job looking for you. Going to sound all preachy again, but just believe that God has a perfect plan for you, and we'll never know the grandest of His plans until His perfect timing arrives. So in the meantime, just have faith that God will provide for you. I did just that, believing that God will definitely provide for me as long as I keep having faith, remain cheerful and make everyday count instead of counting the days. There is no point in getting upset and live life so gloomy and crying (like I have done so many times before I sorted out my thinking) because even if you do all those, it doesn't mean that a job will come to you. It was the times when I let go of everything, stopped worrying and put everything into God's loving hands that I received calls and emails for interviews. When the dates of the interviews drew nearer, I did panic a little because I was always last minute in my preparations for the interviews (reading up on the mission and vision and all), but before the interview, I just told myself that 'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength'.

5. Keep smiling and remain friendly
I know this is really really difficult considering how nervous you'll be during the interview, but if you remember my 3rd advice, which is to remain calm and relax yourself, you'll find it almost natural to be talking to them normally and soon, you'll be having a normal chat with people who might become your supervisors or bosses. This would be easier if you have interviewers who are friendly and joke with you a little, but even if you don't, just keep smiling.

6. Sometimes, it's luck
I know this is hardly an advice, but I find that luck plays an important role. Timing and luck are really important. But more than luck, I believe that it's the way that you made them feel that makes you stand out and be remembered. I came across this quote before which I found to be quite true, be it in interviews, work or anything else.

"Sometimes it's not the words you say, because words can be forgotten, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

So yes, I think it's important to make a lasting impression, in a good way of course! I can't say exactly how because I don't know either. I actually still get embarrassed in front of my manager/superior because she was there during the interview and must remember all those things that I rambled on about. Rather embarrassing if I think about it.

And just for laughs, I actually brought these two key chains for the interview, thinking of them as good luck charms. The cute velvet bear is from my mum, which consists of all her wishes for me (quoting from joy luck club again! Haha!), and the bean from Rooftop prince from Korea. Somehow they must have worked their magic!

I took a rather long time to find a job, but I feel that what's most important is to find the job that you truly want, that's the greatest joy. And that is the only way you feel happy, doing what you love and loving what you do.

This is such a wordy and lengthy post. I wonder how many actually read through this. Hahaha this was how blog posts used to look like, chunks of words and no photos!

After remembering and believing in God, I still want to thank everyone who have been giving me support and encouraging me. First of all would be my family who have been at the suffering end when I lament over and get upset over not being able to find a job. They must have gotten sick of hearing the same things over and over yet they never stop encouraging me or pressuring me. As well as my friends who also gave me encouragement, Amanda who almost always comes online to keep me company whenever she could during the holidays, Fanqin for always reminding me that God is saving the best for me. Su xian (though I know she doesn't read my blog or even know my blog address) for motivating me and giving me advice on interviews and answering all my queries! Joanne for praying for me and encouraging me! Ting yu and Sally for always reading this space and commenting and encouraging me as well! You know I love you all.

The exams are coming up real soon and I wish all of you the best! We can meet up after that!

Family!

Don't be deceived by the title. This is another post with food! Hahaha.

Met my Mum after work at Lot one since I'm currently working near there. I always thought there's a lot of things in Lot one but after walking around there once, I realised it was just like an older version of Causeway point - nothing much at all. We settled for thai food at Siam Kitchen. I think we over ate. 4 dishes for the two of us. Tom yam soup is always a must order for me whenever we eat thai food, and the stingray looked really nice from the menu. If you couldn't tell, the sting ray is the one with the lady's finger with lots of chilli sauce. I got a shock when it came because it looked so different from the photo in the menu.

I think the nicest dish was the vegetables with salted fish. Not that I like salted fish a lot, I liked the vegetables! After we finished our meal and left the restaurant, we saw Paradise dynasty at the other corner and immediately regretted! Hahaha. There's always the next time though! Whenever I think of Paradise dynasty I actually think of the radish rolls that I had which I felt was super nice instead of the coloured xiao long baos that they're famous for. Definitely going to order that if I visit again.

On a random note, I think it's really difficult to eat healthily and have a balanced meal outside. During lunch I always have soup noodles because it's healthier than the dry version but the amount of vegetables they give is so little. Well not that I ask for more anyway. Haha, still trying to lead a healthy lifestyle whenever I can. I shall look for a yong tau foo stall when I work at Clementi and patronise them everyday. I think my colleague must think that I'm weird for wanting to eat noodles in soup everyday for the lack of other choices, and I really mean every single day><

Visited JB last weekend with my Mum and brother, so it's more food again! My must visit restaurant when in City square mall is the Kim Gary hongkong cafe! I really like this cafe because they serve a wide variety of food and their method of ordering is also quite interesting. Used to really like their cheese baked rice with fish fillet but I don't really like to eat a lot of rice anymore so I would have just wasted the rice had I ordered that. Had a hard time deciding what to order because I didn't want to eat a filling meal since there were other food I wanted to buy, like secret recipe cakes and auntie Anne's pretzels. So I bought all of those, but didn't eat them all on the same day. Bought the pretzel for breakfast the next day and in fact, I ate my white dark chocolate cheese cake only yesterday. Hahaha almost a week later.

My brother's yuan yang and coconut dessert. He ordered the set meal but the dessert came before the mains which I forgot to take a photo of because I was too busy eating already. Hahaha.

My Mum's mango ice dessert, which also came before her 'main' meal. Their order of serving is a little... But the mango ice was nice! 

My Mum also didn't want to have filling food so this is her cheese sausage bites. Okay only in my opinion!

My double cheese mixed mushrooms! Because I love all types of mushrooms. Shared this with my brother and Mum! There's the cream option instead of double cheese but I think cheese would be nicer right!

And I have no idea why I ordered this. The menu didn't state that it's fried fish fillets so I was misled into thinking that it might be grilled. Hmm rather salty so I won't be ordering this again!

Walked around for a bit since they had quite a lot of shops open despite their renovations. And because the area was so huge, the renovations didn't pose much inconvenience to us unlike the ones at causeway point. Overcrowded like nobody's business. And I didn't buy anything apart from food at all! I saw some blazers and skirts suitable for work but they were too expensive. I'm still thinking about the tweed jacket I saw at Mango): Which I might actually buy it if I visit again. The favourable exchange rate makes me really happy. Lack of self control omg.

Desserts at Baskin Robbins! I think you can definitely guess that there is peanut butter in my ice cream since I always proclaim my love for chocolate and peanut butter here. Yummmm.

Auntie Anne's pretzel that I've grown to like ever since Sally ordered this in seaweed flavour, which is the only flavour that I order now. My breakfast the next day which I ate so slowly. I've since learnt not to finish my breakfast all at one go because I get hungry so easily. Instead, I eat them in parts, once at 8, another time at about 10 or 11. So I guess it's a good thing that I work alone so no one sees my weird eating habits.

Really enjoyed the time spent with my Mum and brother since we don't talk that often when we're at home. We're all too busy facing our gadgets at home so I think it was nice to sit and talk while we enjoyed the food.

The last Friday

So the last Friday before I started work, I met Amanda! Because I bought a voucher for Japanese pasta at our favourite restaurant. Okay maybe not a favourite but a place that we want to try more of their menu. It's actually my first time buying such vouchers because I'm always afraid that the food wouldn't turn out to be nice or we would be disappointed or it would expire before I get to use it. But since we ate there before it wasn't a problem! 

Amanda's squid ink pasta. Definitely better than the one we had at Liang court. Of course it has to be better since the price is also a few times more.

Mentaiko cod roe and prawns or something. I tried something new and was rather disappointed because it was quite dry. Not that it wasn't nice, but I like my pastas with more sauce. But I think it's healthier this way since there wasn't much oil.

 Found ourselves at cold stone after walking around to digest the pasta. This was super good! Because it has all my favourites! Peanut butter and chocolate. It even had bits of Reese's peanut butter cups. And I loved the waffle cone as well. Let's order this again next time okay, Amanda!:D

Silence

The entire day, I've uttered a record of less than a hundred words. Oh the wonder of cold war or silent treatment. I think I've bonded with my laptop more than anyone or anything today. I certainly don't relish more of such days because I simply hate guessing games. I hate back tracking my actions and guessing where I have gone wrong. Period. 

I need to quit my self-righteous thoughts right now. After doing some reflection I finally saw where I was wrong. 

And I have so much more to learn about watching my tone and attitude. So irritated at myself for what I did. While I'm not rude by nature, I get irritated/annoyed really easily and it shows through what I say though I try very hard not to let it. I wrote about watching the words, but I forgot about the tone at that time. The tone is so important because most of the time, I get annoyed at others' attitude that they show. It's like the silent words, if you get what I mean. 

There's always a lesson to learn everyday , and I learnt it the hard way. And I had to. That's how I always do. 

So here's an advice for people who're reading this space. Don't use the attitude that you hate being given on the people you love the most. We always tend to mistreat the people closest to us and take them for granted but we can't do that, for you never know when they decide to leave you someday. Start treating the people you treasure the most right today!

No one is perfect but no one said that you can't inch towards perfection day by day, right?

I wonder

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel as if something is not right, but you force yourself to think that it's really just your paranoia speaking. Yet in the end, it turns out you were right in the first place. I really hate being in such situations because it's like I've convinced myself to stop thinking about it, but the next moment it comes back to me, even worse than before. I've got a very sensitive receptor (??) to conflict and anger. Just a little or minute change in a person's attitude and I'd be able to detect if he/she is angry at yours truly. And I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It might be better to just feign ignorance and live in bliss (at least until an outburst occurs, if it does occur).

And I end up trying very hard to recall what I have done wrong the whole day to warrant such a silent treatment. Right now I'm feeling so isolated in my own home. Not truly alone physically, but so alone in actual fact. I think of all methods of anger expression, silent treatment hurts the most and is the most ridiculous of all. And you know my ability to scrutinise and recall the whole day's happenings to guess what I did wrong. The problem would be solved so easily if I did something really major to piss someone off. But right now, after thinking for 3 hours I still can't figure it out. I mean if you want to get angry at me you've got to tell me the reason. How would you react if I did the same back to you? Which I did x years ago to which you never noticed.

Right now I can only think of self-wallowing and self-justification incidents which is kind of like a self-defense mechanism. It's like I've done so much, not to claim credit under normal circumstances but this isn't under normal circumstances. But you probably just notice what I've not done, or done wrongly.

I hate this feeling and well, I doubt you're feeling any better. Probably better than I am, by just a little.

Enough of all these analysis that is getting me nowhere. I can only hope tomorrow will be a better day. It must be, and it will be.

Such nice weather to snuggle up in bed with a book and that's what I'm going to do with Freakonomics, which is quite a mind-boggling read compared to the fiction I usually fancy.

My weeks in food photos

Returned my graduation robe with Su xian two weeks ago so we got the chance to eat at Hwang's at Utown again! Haha and I had my favourite bulgogi. So coincidental that my two visits to Hwang's was with Su xian. Ordered rice cakes to share too! My first Korean meal since I came back from Korea in June! I love kimchi and meat! Su xian had the kimchi fried rice which she said was nice as well. I always stick to my favourite while she always tries different food. 

Met my mum at Jurong Point and we went shopping for work clothes. Yes I'm starting work soon! And my wardrobe is full of casual clothes which I feel aren't suitable for work. And I still have a grand total of 3 formal shirts, one formal skirt and 2 pairs of pants. Haha I guess it should be sufficient if I mix and match them differently. Had dinner at a random restaurant called Ambushed. It's a German restaurant I guess, since they served quite a variety of sausages, but sadly we didn't try them because my mum and I were calorie conscious. We still had a nice meal though all we ordered were starters and not main courses. The beef balls with fries tasted really good. I love how compact these beef balls are like those pizza hut serve, albeit in a different style with cream and cheese.

Ordered rosti as well. I liked how crispy it was on the outside and soft on the inside. I didn't really fancy the sour cream though. I like my food plain, without sauces usually.

Watami at J cube with Su xian again! Haha because she needed a white dress so I lent her my sunbeams dress. Ordered bibimbap which was super worth it because it was under the student meal and the portion size was still the same as the full priced ones. I think it was $6.90 only, and we ordered fries to share too so it only came to about $11 each after adding the service charge and GST. So cheap! But I don't think I will ever have the chance to order student meal again because you need to order before 6pm.

These look like so much food but you must note that these photos were accumulated over 3 weeks or so! And I didn't post them because I've been busy with my health checkup for work, helping my grandma with cooking lunch, completing a cross-stitch and watching Smile, Donghae.

Photo of these very nice tasting grapes from Korea! Really not exaggerating at all!! My grandma's friend gave them to her. You know how those gummy candies have grape flavour? I never understood why those smell are grape flavour, but I finally did when I smelt these grapes. And these grapes are not like the kind you get from supermarkets. It's like once you bite into the grape, the skin comes off from the fruit immediately. And the fruit is like jelly, except there were seeds in these grapes. I'm definitely going to buy grapes when I visit Korea again. The good thing was I got to have these grapes all to myself! Because my family didn't like them. I wonder why.. Maybe I have weird taste.

If this doesn't hurt, does this mean my feelings have never been real? If the tears do not come, does this mean that I'm not truly sad?

But why does this feel so surreal. I don't want to accept this. But I guess I will. Because we all move on someday, eventually.

Always keeping this faith.

Red turtle cake

I love these ang ku kueh! Or red turtle cake directly translated from hokkien. I love the peanuts and the soft and slightly chewy skin bought from outside. So we decided to make our own last week since we had a lot of crushed peanuts. Found a recipe online and my grandma and I made them the next day. It's not that difficult to make, but I think it would have been easier if I didn't have to use the mould and just made them round. Some parts cracked when we knocked them out of the mould and we had to re-piece them back on. It was also quite difficult to roll the peanuts into ovals since they kept falling apart, but I managed it in the end. 

Completed products before going into the steamer! There were many cracked ones but I only chose the nice ones to show here hahaha. 

Fresh out of the steamer! I know the colour looks quite off because of the colouring that I added. It's a different kind of red from the one they normally use. Soft and chewy when it was still hot! But when it turned cold, it was a different story. It was so hard! Hahaha that's why we're beginners, and also because we didn't have enough sweet potatoes, which I think was the main reason why it was so hard. Looking at the photos make me feel like having one right now but there's no more at home):

Well I guess I understand why they price it at $0.50 each outside, because it takes some effort to make them individually, which will justify the price. But if they use machines (I don't know how also), then that's a different story altogether. 

Mooncakes galore

I think my family has the most number of mooncakes this year as compared to the previous years. So many different boxes this year! My favourite box has got to be the lantern-like looking one from Marina Bay Sands that my dad's friend gave, but my favourite mooncake would be the TCC one! My mum and I finished a small TCC mooncake last night which tasted soooooo good. It was lotus paste with a bailey's filled chocolate center.

Favourite snow skin mooncakes! We haven't finished them yet, yes, not even till today. Hahaha. I shall eat them slowly since one large mooncake is about 800-1200 calories, so even if you divide it by 10 or 12, it's still quite a large amount of calories! So the most you can eat a day is one or two small slices. Why does nice food always contain the highest amount of calories. Oh well, it's a good thing we only have these during Mid autumn festival.

Bite back your tongue

Thought of something that happened last week and I remembered a quote I read before

"Words cannot be forgotten, only forgiven"

I find it so true, don't you think? Once you've said what you want to, once it leaves your mouth and your lips, you have no control over what the other party interprets it as, so I told myself never to say things in a fit of anger, because you never know if the other party will remember what you said for life or get offended if they don't show it.

I, for one, tends to remember what others say to me in a quarrel, not on purpose but my brain just has this inherent ability to remember all these nonsense, and somehow, I remember them for a long long time. I don't remember it all the time, but just sometimes, I get reminded that this person called me a ____, or that person said I was ____. And when I get reminded of it, a flash of irritation comes and goes. Maybe I have never forgiven that person for their words, whether they meant it or not.

So, I've learnt to only say things when I mean it, good or bad because I don't want to regret my words ever.

Lies

Getting so infuriated as I watch dramas. I hate watching the mean characters getting their way and the impeccable timing of dramas that make the characters meet or not meet each other gets me so annoyed.
Although I know that the evil will never triumph over the good, and that all the truth will be revealed in the end, I still can't help but get so irritated watching the mean female character, really!

If there's one thing I've learnt when watching dramas, it's to never tell lies. Common knowledge but it's amplified so much in dramas, because the lies will get bigger and bigger and you never get to live a day in peace, getting paranoid over every little thing that others say, worrying that others might tell the truth. So just tell the truth, for while the truth may hurt, it will never ever come back to haunt you, unlike lies.

Busan Vacance

I don't usually like songs like these, always a ballad lover! And other songs that catch my fancy. But Running Man got me replaying this song over and over after they played it on the episode. It's so catchy, and much nicer than what is so popular currently, might I add. No idea why this is called Busan Vacance anyway, but I guess they should be referring to vacation, right?



Just started watching Smile, Donghae even though it has 158 episodes. All for Ji Chang Wook! Since he's the lead, Donghae! Although he looks nicer in Bachelor's vegetable store and the female lead Wang Ji Hye is prettier than the current mean girl that he's still in love with in Smile, Donghae.

My ASOS top came today, which was the icing on top of the cake! In such a good mood today because of the Watami I had today and some good news that I shall not reveal yet! My mum's satisfied with the quality of the clothes so I foresee more orders which I can happily combine with her. Hahaha. My mum has become like me, in her words. "Always buying clothes". But it's so addictive and such a happy hobby.

GEK1509 Introduction to the nanoworld

I wonder if anyone has thought of taking this module other than my friends and I. Okay not that we were really interested in anything NANO, which is ten to the power of negative nine. I disliked all physics modules except science of music but we were out bidded like crazy for other modules (because we were year ones) and had no other choice but to bid for this, which we got for one point.

The content was so difficult, but not really a problem since the mid terms were open book if I remember correctly. Either that or the formulas were provided so you don't need to memorise the formulas. The questions were kind of blah, a little common sense here and there. Perhaps I don't have much, that's why I didn't do so well for them. Assessment was all in MCQs so it's quite a good thing if you don't like essays. Oh and you can't skip lectures because they gave surprise quizzes which are counted towards your final grade. Skip at your own risk! There was a group assignment, which was a term paper. We could write on anything as long as it was related to the topic of nanoworld or scanning tunnelling microscope.

The lectures were really boring. My friends and I started talking once we got bored, and I remember we took turns to bring snacks for the lecture. Mostly physics stuff like schrondinger's equation and all those stuff. The lecturers were really nice even though their content was boring. Once, there was a demonstration which was rather interesting though! The ball could float in air because of some gas they used, but for now I really can't remember what demonstration it was.

In all, I don't recommend this module! Unless you love physics, I highly doubt you'll enjoy this.

Drables

Haven't had much to pen down in words because my life has been kind of smooth sailing, in a way, with no troubles or anything much since I've gotten rid of the annoying people in my life. A quote I've come across often on Instagram is 'Spend time with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress' and I really agree with it. If you find that you need to impress the people you're around, then those people don't like you for being yourself, but for you being able to act like someone you're not. Ultimately, you lose yourself. I guess I've been reading too much Joy Luck club. Too many themes of identity, or the loss of it. 

I still do think of the what ifs now and then but nothing good ever comes out of those thoughts since whatever happened for a reason and I'm not one to regret so I just look forward to the future. After all if things were to happen, that's where they will take place. But it's most important to live in the present, I feel. Since we'll never get back the time that we've lost everyday. So cherish every moment, or at least try to, because most people tend to get caught up in our (their) daily lives trying to succeed in whatever we want to do but don't get to enjoy the nice moments in life. It doesn't have to be something extraordinary. It can just be a nice scenery that you fail to notice when you're in a rush every day. And that moment belongs to you, and you only. 

Photos of food again! My grandma decided to cook nasi lemak last week because we still had coconut milk leftover from the making of the pandan chiffon cake. I was strongly against the idea because it was coconut milk and even told her to cook just white rice without adding the coconut milk, but of course, it was to no avail. So my rice intake for that day was just two spoonfuls. The normal spoon you use for eating, I mean, and not the rice scoop! Haha to compensate for the huge amount of saturated fat. Okay I know Amanda doesn't like reading about all these kinds of fat and has returned everything to the FST prof, but I really can't help it! For the rest, it's good to know the nutrition facts and good for changing lifestyles and not just simply diet! Trying to justify my own actions on my own blog. Hahaha. I helped with the frying of the eggs and luncheon meat slices! Not the fish because when frying fish, the oil has the tendency to splatter onto my arms and I'm too afraid. 

I'm not a fan of cucumber, and I don't take cucumber at all, but to make up for the amount of fat I ate that day, I ate a lot of the cucumber. Because cucumber has negative calories and I was hoping to take some off my lunch and dinner that day. Don't think it helped much but every little action counts, right! My mum commented that my life is very sad, because I need to think so much before eating something. Yes it is indeed quite difficult, but I don't find it sad because I know I'm being healthy and it's for my own benefit when I get old, like in my 50s. At least I hope I can slow down the onset of chronic diseases.Kind of far fetched I know, thinking so far, but after learning the onset of atherosclerosis, I'm so compelled to do this.  

So much unhealthy food but they taste so good. Still, do not succumb to temptation! I'm far from being super healthy, but at least I try to cultivate good habits!

Spontaneous day out

Didn't have any plans last weekend to go out, but I got to go out when my grandaunt asked my grandma out to shop for a bit and just walk around town. It was so spontaneous. I finished breakfast and was told to go and bathe and change to go out. I had fun nonetheless! It was my first time out with my grand aunt and I was kind of afraid of how it'd turn out but it was all good in the end.

I think the day consisted of mostly eating. I felt so full at the end of the day and was really scared of how much my weight would increase the next morning. We first went for lunch at Paradise dynasty at Ion. My first time there, and before that I only knew it was the place that serves colourful xiao long bao. But we didn't try those because we thought it would taste weird so we stuck with the usual original ones which tasted good. Get ready for more food photos!

This is a three-egg chilled dish with salted egg, century egg and normal egg. I must say it tasted really really delicious! I, for one, don't eat and have never eaten century egg, but after trying this, I realised that it doesn't have any weird/funny taste. I'm not very adventurous with food and once I find something I like, I stick to it till the end, so I've never tried century egg. It's worth a try if you don't dislike any type of egg. Rather unique I say.

 Soupy xiao long baos! I love dipping them in ginger with vinegar. I think everyone does, right!

My grand aunt and grandma. My grandma says people have commented that they look alike but she doesn't think so. I can see a little similarity although it's not very obvious.

A pastry filled with radish. This was really really good! It's super nice, both the outer and inner filling. I think it was good that it was three of us since most of the dishes were served in threes, so we could just have one each, which means more space for other varieties of food. My grand aunt kept telling me to take photos of the food before eating it, and would wait for me to finish taking photos before eating, which reminded me of my Mum.

Look at the filling! Okay I know it looks plain from the photo. It was so hot and the pastry was so crispy. It's like my favourite type of curry puff.

La mian with black fungus. Not a fan of noodles or rice but it tasted good as well. Their service was rather good.

Red bean paste pancake! I liked it because it's so crispy. I only recently started eating red bean paste because of jollibean pancake! Because I felt peanut filling was too much and too fattening though I love them, I chose red bean as a healthier choice, although not much healthier, I guess!

 Huge gyozas

Doesn't seem like a lot (or does it?), but I was quite full after having all those. Probably because we ate it really slowly. The service was rather good as well. Because the red bean pancake is supposed to be a dessert and they were very prompt in serving it once we finished our main dishes.

Shopped around in Orchard after that. Haven't done actual shopping for such a long time that the prices of clothes outside turned me off. I very much prefer shopping online since the quality is so much better and prices are much lower, although they're not from high street brands.

Dinner was at Swatow restaurant in Toa Payoh! I went there previously for their buffet. But it was my first time trying their normal menu. My grandma and grand aunt went there previously so they just ordered what they knew to be nice so I got to have the nice food!

This was a fish soup with seaweed and mushroom and fish maw. Quite a lot for three people. I think we had about 2 bowls each. The fish slices were really thick and nice! Excuse the half filled pot, since we already had half of the soup and my grand aunt said I forgot to take a photo so I just took it like that. So funny of her right! Because her children also take photo of their food before eating so she's used to it! So hip and cool!

Cereal prawns. I LOVE! They asked for it to be de-shelled and it was such a good decision. No oily fingers, just really nice and non overcooked prawns.

My grandma refusing to smile because she was self conscious about her new set of dentures. Hence the closed mouth look.

My grandma and I! My grandma just changed her dentures and somehow it just looks different compared to the old one. I wonder if a person's teeth can really make such a difference on someone's appearance. But I guess it's just a matter of getting used to. Still, that would mean that the person looks different and you need to get used to his/her looks right?? I think my grandma looks better with this new set of teeth! Just need to get used to it!

Garlic vegetables, with a lot of oil. My grandma says. I'm an advocate of healthy eating so when I cook, I use very little oil, in my grandma's words. So they don't look as good as what she cooks, she says when I lament that the food I cook don't look nice. But healthy eating trumps all, right!

Noodles which I didn't get to take a photo in its original plate because they split it for us.

Omg I was really really really  full from the lunch and dinner. It's been a rather long time since I had Chinese food outside. Most of the time it's western food, but I like Chinese food too, because it's in my roots after all. If I could choose something to eat everyday for the rest of my life, like I told my friend, I said I would choose to have minced meat noodles, the dry style! Although not healthy, but just a hypothetical thought!