Imperfect

Most of the time, we all get irritated at others because of things they do or things they don't do. All this time, feeling irritated/annoyed, picking at others' faults. Never once looking back at ourselves. All this time, thinking we are perfect and blameless.

And since we aren't, who are we to get angry at others when they're just being themselves?

Often, it just takes a little reflection to realise how ridiculous I can be, in terms of getting angry and all. I always think I'm irritated at others, but upon closer inspection of my feelings, I get ashamed of myself and in turn get annoyed at my own childishness or immaturity.

I have always thought that I have reached a certain level of maturity and would frown upon people who say that I'm immature. Thinking again, I'm not as mature as I think I am and I really want to think deeper, think more for others, be more gracious, be more accepting of others and most importantly, stop thinking of myself. I know it is human nature to put oneself first, to think about one's own benefits. But I really hate that I'm so selfish. Although I stop when I realise I'm thinking too much for myself and start putting others first before myself, why can't I exclude myself from the equation altogether? We need to stop being so calculative with people who we care about and who care for us. I can gladly say that I'm trying to and making good progress.

I have so much more to learn in life, so much more to ponder upon now that my mind is uncluttered and free of lecture notes and exams. And for life's lessons, I guess one truly needs to open their eyes and heart to learn, for the answers will never be as simple as regurgitating a whole set of notes.

I want to be a better person than I was the day before. I think it's a goal we should all strive towards. At least it shows that we're always becoming better each day compared to the day before.

Another aspect that God has been speaking to me about is forgiveness. Although I don't admit this often, I can't deny that I find it really difficult to forgive people and their actions. While I can not mention it at all, it doesn't mean that I have forgotten what caused me hurt. I think it's like my own protective mechanism because if I remember what caused the pain or disappointment earlier, I wouldn't feel the same hurt all over again if a similar incident happens again. I really look forward to the day that I can say I forgive. For now, I need to try harder.