self-consolation does not work anymore. it is just so hard. i feel so bad that i had did so badly for the block tests. i keep telling myself that block test is just a small pebble. this is what i remembered from joanne chua's consolation when i was upset over tests. that the As are the big big giantic rock and the small pebbles don't matter as much. but this only means that i fell short of my own expectations. i am not angry at anyone but myself. why did i allow myself to make the mistakes that i knew was incorrect. why hadn't i wrote everything i knew, and the worst of all, panicked during the papers.
and i'm grateful for the encouragement that sujun said, and steph too.:D
had bio spa this week and my hands trembled. and before the start, everyone (or alot of people) said they'd write for 30 minutes and start doing experiment. but during spa, no one stopped writing at 30 mins and instead, most spent 40 writing.'.'
i'm starting to like gp lessons because our gp teacher's really good.

this is really good:D
these 2 days have been fruitful, whiling my time away. but i've been filling my mind with useful things
i dont like getting 'so wonderfully tired', yet.

what total burnout.
for the first time ever in my life as a student, i felt like giving up in an exam. had chem on mon, bio and econs on tues and math on wed. monday night tuesday was the worst day ever. on monday, i went home not knowing how tp split my time betweeen bio and econs. but thankfully, what i memorized was tested, so i got lucky there. and the point that i felt so mentally drained was halfway through the bio paper. i was at the middle part and there was still so much to go i felt that i couldn't go on.today, i felt the same way. the questions they set were so tough so again, i felt that i didn't have the energy to carry on. at question 4 i already started panicking.i teared when i went home thinking about my block tests, that i would have nothing to show for what i'd done during the holidays. it's true that my focus is the As. but doing well in these tests would be an indication of how well you'd do in the actual As. if you keep failing these tests, do you think you would have the confidence or do you even think you can improve overnight and get the As that everyone desires? i'd think the answer is an obvious no. that is what has been discouraging me so much and nagging at me when i'd done badly in tests and all. but i'm really glad for having such great friends who'd take time out of studying to write me notes to motivate me. and i am really motivated by those notes.i get so motivated to study so hard but the disappointment is so great when i sit in the hall and find that i can't do those questions. i feel like all my preparation had all gone to waste. on a lighter note, my very smart aunt got very good results in the As and i'm very motivated to score as well as her! she passed me all her notes so i better get down to reading and filling my brain with stuff that can score me my As instead of bearing grudges against petty stuff that happen daily.
since many has asked about how my new house is. i think it's a much better and conducive environment from the old house. and it's also quiet and cool. i don't need to turn on the fan unless i really need to. but sometimes, sitting in my room for the entire day studying, like what i'd done the entire week, i feel like time passes so fast. everytime i look at my watch, one hour has passed, another hour has passed. and starting work at 8 or 9, and soon the day ends with me not doing much.the journey home has been fine(: and i this week i absent-mindedly left my ez link card in the hall after chem. and many people say i worry for the wrong reasons, which is absolutely true-.-but i found it in the end at the GO.
tomorrow i shall spend my time productively.and no, i won't be mugging. not so soon of course.:D
HAHA JX! i really wish that we spent more time rotting during the 06 holidays.it's always like that. during holidays i dont play enough and then when it's time for real work i think i didnt play enough during the holidays. and yes, you can come to woodlands library some day and we can study! you can teach me DE which i have zero idea as to how to do.D: lend me JLC soon(: i feel alot for the book too, just like i do for EOTP as we're still quoting to each other now:D
things have gotten better, on the part of ehem ehem.

this week has been good.
gp is over and done with. i don't wish to think about it until after all the block tests are over.
and as for chinese, i'm glad to say that i didn't let myself down. and i'm going to study real hard this year so that i won't cry because of disappointment. instead, i will cry tears of joy next year. i was talking to my mum yesterday, of my fear of not being able to attain what i want to next year. ship told me to do what i did for the Os but i feel so overwhelmed by the workload i'm not sure if i can make it. my aunt got all As for her As. as of yesterday, i've one more idol added to my long list.
yesterday was a fun and interesting and exciting day for steph sujun and i(:
we began our stalking trail after collecting our chinese results. and of course, 偷拍-ed some people in particular. :D and jay still looks nice despite having a change in hairstyle. and some other things are best left unsaid.
goodbye to 142! and hello to 1 hour bus journey home.