the year is coming to an end, and i've been thinking that i'd gone through the year doing nothing much (read: nothing meaningful or impactful, lived life aimlessly), so i'd decided to list all the eventful stuff or memorable stuff this year, some quite crappish but those events have helped to brighten up my day or made me smile:D
1: mop, broom, toiletscrub-head (sounds very crappish but the jokes behind them are hilarious, i just have to think of those and i can start laughing to myself :D)
2: playing in touch competitions (hmm even though i ain't very good at it, i can say that i've learnt quite a fair bit from the competitions, a really good experience(:)
i can't think of anymore right now, does it mean i haven't done anything this year? i'll type more as i think of the events:D
but this year's one of the toughest years in my entire life. displayed lots of mental discipline(i hope), and perseverance(i hope also?). well it's just a year i hope i won't have to go through again. why is it getting emo!
i've got to comment on the fact that i finished watching moonlight resonance online already and i think it's really a show worth watching. as in the plot is good and the actors are able to portray the feelings required also. even oggy likes sum loi! linda chung! ((:
xmas was spent the usual way, jx came over and we feasted on turkey, ham, cake and other stuff. and we watched music bank on tv which happened to feature dbsk singing don't say goodbye, which is a very nice song(: haha and we talked about dbsk again:D
sometimes i wonder if i'm a good person. as in i don't break the law or do whatever that is wrong.but sometimes i'm lazy, i say things that are shallow or insensible. and end up hurting people. and my actions tell people how i carry myself, but is that what i want to show to people? if not then what should i show to people? then wouldn't that be being fake? life can be so difficult sometimes, if not most of the time? and sometimes i think that i'm not the immature kid i was of the past already but sometimes i somehow revert back to the childish kid? do i?
and work has allowed me to treasure public holidays more(: hmm and i quite appreciate the fact that my colleagues are quite nice, as in they're not the kind of people with attitude problem or refuse to work or slack the entire day. in fact they do not like to slack. i remember once we were told that we CAN slack. then he said, 'i'm going to re-arrange the files into numerical order, i don't wish to slack.' and also, we work towards a common goal? most of the time i feel? recently we had to look through files and insert and remove relevant stuff, then when everyone finished and one hadn't then they helped him to complete it. a not bad bunch of people. and they're highly amusing too. providing entertainment for otherwise boring work.(: i wish i could upload a photo of all of us, but i looked through the photos and found none suitable hahaha! next time then((: i forgot to mention that i'm beginning to enjoy work! i often dreaded going to work for fear of stoning during my free time. but now it has gotten better:D
hm and sometimes i feel that without school, life becomes a little uncertain. as in because there's school, then we can meet our friends in sch and all but now that there isn't any, then it's really up to us? and if we don't then we'd eventually lose touch. and no more excuses of being busy studying or whatever so it kind of really shows whether you treasure your friends? during this period, i've met jx, tingyu, steph, sujun, mabel, michelle, huimin! must meet the rest real soon! i couldn't meet company on the 24th cause i didn't know that the picnic was still on and so didn't take leave!D: so i ended up going to work in the rain. but it was alright cause it was mostly celebration-.- so what i really want to say, after digressing for so long, is that i hope that i'll really keep in contact with those people who matter to me and not become hi-bye friends many years down the road. and jx! you can always 'self-invite' yourself to my house(: and i really hope that we can continue doing the stuff that we do for many years to come!
'my love will get you home' is a very nice song! if you've got the time just click it at the top of my blog and listen to it and it's meaningful too!((:
hm and before 26 nov 2008 comes to an end, i'd wish dbsk a HAPPY FIFTH ANNIVERSARY!(:
Friday, December 26, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
hm after using the previous skin for almost two years, i've finally changed it to one which looks more 'sophisticate'. not that the previous one wasn't nice. as i was changing and doing the html and stuff, i was editing the links and i realised that there were many links which have become outdated. and i'd let them remain there for so long-.-so well, now with the new skin, no one can read my previous posts(:
i read jx's latest post and realised that it has been a long while since i typed such a long entry.this week has been fine. i remember that before the As i'd always wished that i could work and thought that it'd be fun to not study, but yet now that i'm actually working, i find it so mundane. everyday i sit at the table scouring through files and papers (from 1988 or earlier) and slotting the relevant ones inside. it's not really boring, as i look through the files it's like reading a story about the company and following the company through its history? to me it's kind of fun, but i've seen people fall asleep checking the files.O: i finally know how dj lisa looks like, not quite what i expected, but there's a face to match the voice with now(: somehow time passes so quickly now that i'm working. perhaps its because i always look forward to fridays, which appears to make time speed past. when there was still studying, friday didn't mean anything much apart from the fact that there was no school but there was still studying.
i don't like people to impose their opinions on me, and influence or force me to accept their way of thinking, and making my stand seem illogical with big big examples, which is why i've been irritated of late.i feel they're just trying to justify their actions, giving excuses for their bad habits.xmas's coming, but somehow there isn't much of a festive spirit though.but jx's coming over :D
met mabel, mich and huimin on wed for dinner, and i took mrt from jurong to dhoby ghaut on the red line on purpose because i wanted to waste time, and i ended up standing for the whole 55 mins-.-that is a lesson to be learnt haha.but it was fun though, i mean meeting them :D
next week should be a short week!(:
some random pictures
hahaha fried bee hoon! my staple food in school. i remember us ordering 5 plates of fried bee hoon:D
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hahaha the only food i eat at mos burger(:
the As was long over, some stuff to motivate myself during that period
cheesecake latte, with no taste of cheesecake or whatever-.-
rootbeer from our supervisor, which everyone mistook for beer O:
i read jx's latest post and realised that it has been a long while since i typed such a long entry.this week has been fine. i remember that before the As i'd always wished that i could work and thought that it'd be fun to not study, but yet now that i'm actually working, i find it so mundane. everyday i sit at the table scouring through files and papers (from 1988 or earlier) and slotting the relevant ones inside. it's not really boring, as i look through the files it's like reading a story about the company and following the company through its history? to me it's kind of fun, but i've seen people fall asleep checking the files.O: i finally know how dj lisa looks like, not quite what i expected, but there's a face to match the voice with now(: somehow time passes so quickly now that i'm working. perhaps its because i always look forward to fridays, which appears to make time speed past. when there was still studying, friday didn't mean anything much apart from the fact that there was no school but there was still studying.
i don't like people to impose their opinions on me, and influence or force me to accept their way of thinking, and making my stand seem illogical with big big examples, which is why i've been irritated of late.i feel they're just trying to justify their actions, giving excuses for their bad habits.xmas's coming, but somehow there isn't much of a festive spirit though.but jx's coming over :D
met mabel, mich and huimin on wed for dinner, and i took mrt from jurong to dhoby ghaut on the red line on purpose because i wanted to waste time, and i ended up standing for the whole 55 mins-.-that is a lesson to be learnt haha.but it was fun though, i mean meeting them :D
next week should be a short week!(:
some random pictures
hahaha fried bee hoon! my staple food in school. i remember us ordering 5 plates of fried bee hoon:D
.jpg)
hahaha the only food i eat at mos burger(:
the As was long over, some stuff to motivate myself during that period
cheesecake latte, with no taste of cheesecake or whatever-.-
rootbeer from our supervisor, which everyone mistook for beer O:
i'll upload some more as and when i'm free hahaha
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
i remembered something funny i wanted to blog about. it's something that happened at class chalet at the arcade.
steph, sujun, jiayen and i witnessed people stealing at the arcade, can you believe it. the staff at the arcade was helping him, and it was using this machine which can grab some food, by putting the food near the 'exit' of the candy machine. then when the machine grabbed the packet of food, it dropped it near the exit, but not quite, then the man banged the machine really really hard. and at that moment, we couldnt help but feel so exasperated. after all, who goes there to steal candy. and what more, the man wasnt satisfied with the stuff he got so he wanted to exchange! like :O! and it's like they're a family of thieves. the wife was stealing soft toys.-.-
steph, sujun, jiayen and i witnessed people stealing at the arcade, can you believe it. the staff at the arcade was helping him, and it was using this machine which can grab some food, by putting the food near the 'exit' of the candy machine. then when the machine grabbed the packet of food, it dropped it near the exit, but not quite, then the man banged the machine really really hard. and at that moment, we couldnt help but feel so exasperated. after all, who goes there to steal candy. and what more, the man wasnt satisfied with the stuff he got so he wanted to exchange! like :O! and it's like they're a family of thieves. the wife was stealing soft toys.-.-
Thursday, December 04, 2008
As we grow older, we begin to define many things. in primary school, classmates were friends, and friends were classmates.both were interchangeable, at least to me. then in secondary school and jc, classmates did not necessarily mean friends. sometimes when i think back at how innocent and naive we were, i wish we could all go back to those times when we had no defences(in a sense), but yet it's an inevitable fact. And now, there're colleagues now that i've started working. again, the same question comes, colleagues=friends? certainly, to a large extent. but yet, no matter how much we talk during work or worked together to accomplish something. at the end of the day, there are no 'bye's. is it supposed to be like this?
this was not supposed to be an emo post or anything. i just thought things out :D
this was not supposed to be an emo post or anything. i just thought things out :D
Friday, November 28, 2008
i've finally come to blog, at the request of jx since i didn't get to talk to you! i've been hesitant to blog, partly because i felt there was nothing much to say about myself rotting at home, or time could be spent watching my dramas(:
so here goes!
this week i
1. watched lots of tv, i watched everything there was on tv that appealed to me, including shows that i've watched before, like dicey business, and new dramas too:D
2.baked cookies which turned out very not nice. but i spent 4 hours on it when it was supposed to be just 35 mins in total!
3.went to work for the first time ever in my life. i went there feeling quite afraid, but it turned out quite ok, because i had to sort files. whoa i've never seen so many files ever in my life. i think there were at least 10,000 files in the compactus thing which is a cool but scary thing since it can squash people up if they don't move away. but the only thing is, i worry i'm not strong enough for the job since i've to carry many files albeit not for very long. i dropped a few today. and after just one day i'm already itching all over. but its okay. i'll get used to it, eventually. and i think the people there are quite nice(: it isn't hardcore, yet it isnt so slack.
4. watched dbsk! every day, day by day, my <3 for them grows. seeing how young they are and being so funny and all. but i felt quite sad for changmin when the fans sweared at him. not fans actually but anti-fans.
5. got to know something from steph(: that is secret:D
6. have been trying not to worry about the As and enjoy life
7. went for class chalet and didn't sleep alot (around 30-45 mins) and went home and dozed off quite immediately. it was fun(: playing saboteur was fun, and mahjong too! i think i'm sian of seeing the mahjong tiles already. i saw someone i recognised on the bus home :O
8. have a new favourite song! dbsk's 'don't cry my lover'. i think it's a very touching song and somewhat empowering at the end. i don't know if that is the correct word to use, but that is what i felt listening to it towards the end.
9. have been reading! i have no idea why i always start reading at 10 plus and refuse to put down the book at 11 which is supposedly my bedtime and end up sleeping at 12 or 1130. i've to change this
10. feel a sense of emptiness. i wonder if it's because of a lack of security, that not seeing my friends means they are not there. i know it's quite silly to think this way but i just do. it's weird isn't it. this insecurity has to go
Don't cry my lover
Am I finally alright now?
This is what they ask me,I look so pained, my tears seep through my two hands.
When the tears that blind my eyes fall, I can see you clearly,My love, don't cry.
I don't know if I should take you away with me.
You still hold on to so many memories.
*chorus*I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so. I should give up, but I can't let you go.You taught me how to love. Now, how can I forget you?
Again, I'm drunk today. I call you but you don't pick up.
Again, I cry.What did we say?
Still those tedious words.
I can't even say the words 'I'm sorry'.
What I have become, I cannot grasp the dream that is now distant.
The love that you have been waiting for, I cannot have.
The promise that we made, to shed our tears together...
I can see them now.
[cartoongirl7@ Soompi: She had took this translation from Hero Baidu which is Chinese and translated it to English]
Take out with full credits.
Translated by : cartoongirl7@Soompi + az1989 @LJ for sharing
so here goes!
this week i
1. watched lots of tv, i watched everything there was on tv that appealed to me, including shows that i've watched before, like dicey business, and new dramas too:D
2.baked cookies which turned out very not nice. but i spent 4 hours on it when it was supposed to be just 35 mins in total!
3.went to work for the first time ever in my life. i went there feeling quite afraid, but it turned out quite ok, because i had to sort files. whoa i've never seen so many files ever in my life. i think there were at least 10,000 files in the compactus thing which is a cool but scary thing since it can squash people up if they don't move away. but the only thing is, i worry i'm not strong enough for the job since i've to carry many files albeit not for very long. i dropped a few today. and after just one day i'm already itching all over. but its okay. i'll get used to it, eventually. and i think the people there are quite nice(: it isn't hardcore, yet it isnt so slack.
4. watched dbsk! every day, day by day, my <3 for them grows. seeing how young they are and being so funny and all. but i felt quite sad for changmin when the fans sweared at him. not fans actually but anti-fans.
5. got to know something from steph(: that is secret:D
6. have been trying not to worry about the As and enjoy life
7. went for class chalet and didn't sleep alot (around 30-45 mins) and went home and dozed off quite immediately. it was fun(: playing saboteur was fun, and mahjong too! i think i'm sian of seeing the mahjong tiles already. i saw someone i recognised on the bus home :O
8. have a new favourite song! dbsk's 'don't cry my lover'. i think it's a very touching song and somewhat empowering at the end. i don't know if that is the correct word to use, but that is what i felt listening to it towards the end.
9. have been reading! i have no idea why i always start reading at 10 plus and refuse to put down the book at 11 which is supposedly my bedtime and end up sleeping at 12 or 1130. i've to change this
10. feel a sense of emptiness. i wonder if it's because of a lack of security, that not seeing my friends means they are not there. i know it's quite silly to think this way but i just do. it's weird isn't it. this insecurity has to go
Don't cry my lover
Am I finally alright now?
This is what they ask me,I look so pained, my tears seep through my two hands.
When the tears that blind my eyes fall, I can see you clearly,My love, don't cry.
I don't know if I should take you away with me.
You still hold on to so many memories.
*chorus*I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so. I should give up, but I can't let you go.You taught me how to love. Now, how can I forget you?
Again, I'm drunk today. I call you but you don't pick up.
Again, I cry.What did we say?
Still those tedious words.
I can't even say the words 'I'm sorry'.
What I have become, I cannot grasp the dream that is now distant.
The love that you have been waiting for, I cannot have.
The promise that we made, to shed our tears together...
I can see them now.
[cartoongirl7@ Soompi: She had took this translation from Hero Baidu which is Chinese and translated it to English]
Take out with full credits.
Translated by : cartoongirl7@Soompi + az1989 @LJ for sharing
Thursday, October 09, 2008
i know i said i wouldn't come online until 20th Nov but i'm going to blog one last entry before!farewell assembly was today, and as i expected, i wouldn't cry. but that doesn't mean that i'm so un-feeling and all ok. its because i know that i'll definitely see all my friends again, so that is why, i do not feel so sad about any parting. it isn't wrong to think this way right? :D
i felt very loved when i received so many notes of encouragement today, so i'm online here to write some.
words cannot express how i feel towards my friends and today was a very great day :D haha in all aspects. i got to see ___, and basically, today was quite well spent, like quite a good closure to my days in JC.
during this study break, i'm sad to say that i'll miss watching dongbang! its such a good and bad thing for them to release their album now. but that's okay, i'll catch up on them after the As!and as i was telling sujun that i dont like people who dye their hair, but yet when yunho's new hairstyle is that his hair is dyed, somehow it becomes okay that dyed hair is fine. so i guess that is a case of ai wu ji wu right :D i think mirotic is a nice nice song((:
this week was quite an eventful week, celebrated wanying's birthday by giving her a big big surprise which had a big big plan behind it! :D for more details, visit shiping and wanying's blog ((:
and time to post photos of my mum's cakes((: i certainly enjoyed eating them!((:
xmas cake :D
log cake. so xmassy!
butter cream cake <3
mango mousse
my messy table studying for prelims i think
gifts from farewell
i felt very loved when i received so many notes of encouragement today, so i'm online here to write some.
words cannot express how i feel towards my friends and today was a very great day :D haha in all aspects. i got to see ___, and basically, today was quite well spent, like quite a good closure to my days in JC.
during this study break, i'm sad to say that i'll miss watching dongbang! its such a good and bad thing for them to release their album now. but that's okay, i'll catch up on them after the As!and as i was telling sujun that i dont like people who dye their hair, but yet when yunho's new hairstyle is that his hair is dyed, somehow it becomes okay that dyed hair is fine. so i guess that is a case of ai wu ji wu right :D i think mirotic is a nice nice song((:
this week was quite an eventful week, celebrated wanying's birthday by giving her a big big surprise which had a big big plan behind it! :D for more details, visit shiping and wanying's blog ((:
and time to post photos of my mum's cakes((: i certainly enjoyed eating them!((:
xmas cake :D
log cake. so xmassy!
butter cream cake <3
mango mousse
my messy table studying for prelims i think
gifts from farewell
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
and what should i say. the prelims are over and done and all that is left are the As.
i guess i tried my best this time.but somehow i get the feeling that my best is not sufficient. what if this happens during the As! practice practice and more practice! during the course of this week, i've been having some morbid thoughts. not on purpose but they just slipped into my mind. take for example, the day before bio application paper, i lay in bed, unable to sleep, and i just thought, 'what if i fall from the bed and knock my head? then i wouldnt have to take the bio paper anymore' that was quite a gleeful thought. is something wrong? is that kind of a fear of something?
i wonder what has kept me going these weeks. was it fear of getting dreadful results? or was it motivation?
i've been feeling kind of weird these days, towards a particular person. i dont know how i feel anymore
i wonder why i feel guilty or even bad when i see this person.
by the way, these two people are two very different people
i ate pork today. and i'd always remember amanda who says this whenever i have no choice but have to eat pork. 'horhor,you have to pray to atone for eating pork'
something along those lines but yes, i enjoyed studying with amanda those few times(:
i guess i tried my best this time.but somehow i get the feeling that my best is not sufficient. what if this happens during the As! practice practice and more practice! during the course of this week, i've been having some morbid thoughts. not on purpose but they just slipped into my mind. take for example, the day before bio application paper, i lay in bed, unable to sleep, and i just thought, 'what if i fall from the bed and knock my head? then i wouldnt have to take the bio paper anymore' that was quite a gleeful thought. is something wrong? is that kind of a fear of something?
i wonder what has kept me going these weeks. was it fear of getting dreadful results? or was it motivation?
i've been feeling kind of weird these days, towards a particular person. i dont know how i feel anymore
i wonder why i feel guilty or even bad when i see this person.
by the way, these two people are two very different people
i ate pork today. and i'd always remember amanda who says this whenever i have no choice but have to eat pork. 'horhor,you have to pray to atone for eating pork'
something along those lines but yes, i enjoyed studying with amanda those few times(:
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
My Love will get you home
If you wander off too far
My love will get you home
If you follow the wrong star
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy My love will get you home
If the bright lights blinds your eyes
My love will get you home
If your troubles break your stride
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself
Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home
If you ever feel ashame
My love will get you home I
f its only you to blame
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home
a very nice song from 'heart of greed'(:
If you wander off too far
My love will get you home
If you follow the wrong star
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy My love will get you home
If the bright lights blinds your eyes
My love will get you home
If your troubles break your stride
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself
Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home
If you ever feel ashame
My love will get you home I
f its only you to blame
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home Boy
My love will get you home
a very nice song from 'heart of greed'(:
Sunday, July 06, 2008
the past few days have been good. partly because out of a 5 day school week, i've only gone to school for 3, one of which was college day which felt like a holiday too. this week feels like the june holidays with a more relaxing mood (read: i haven't started studying yet!)
i've been online watching the dbsk banjun dramas which are so entertaining and not forgetting their mvs (:
after attending college day on friday, i must say i feel more motivated that i've started pasting notes around my room to force myself or rather, motivate myself to study. i've decided to start on 7th july which means i shall make the most of my time and slack for now. as i was watching the j3s receive their awards for doing well in the As, lots went through my mind. i was thinking if i'd have the chance to be like them next year. would i be able to achieve my 'end in mind' and at the end, be satisfied with what i got?
but that is fine.
time to reply tags:D
shiping: yo! hahaha yunho is the most good looking guy ever((: i think all sorts of hairstyles suit him fine, except the long hair kind ahaha!
mabel!: yes i always forget its colourblind HIM! take care and see you! :D
jx: i've watched those that you mentioned already which are so hilarious! (: i dian-ed a song to you on cool k time:D
angela: hahaha it feels like i'm having the june holidays all over again! enjoy our last few youth days holiday! ((: and see you soon!
i've been online watching the dbsk banjun dramas which are so entertaining and not forgetting their mvs (:
after attending college day on friday, i must say i feel more motivated that i've started pasting notes around my room to force myself or rather, motivate myself to study. i've decided to start on 7th july which means i shall make the most of my time and slack for now. as i was watching the j3s receive their awards for doing well in the As, lots went through my mind. i was thinking if i'd have the chance to be like them next year. would i be able to achieve my 'end in mind' and at the end, be satisfied with what i got?
but that is fine.
time to reply tags:D
shiping: yo! hahaha yunho is the most good looking guy ever((: i think all sorts of hairstyles suit him fine, except the long hair kind ahaha!
mabel!: yes i always forget its colourblind HIM! take care and see you! :D
jx: i've watched those that you mentioned already which are so hilarious! (: i dian-ed a song to you on cool k time:D
angela: hahaha it feels like i'm having the june holidays all over again! enjoy our last few youth days holiday! ((: and see you soon!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
i guess i haven't been online for some time. and block tests 2 are over(: but as ship reminded us just after math, prelims would be in 6 weeks. so people should be studying now instead of celebrating or doing any form of enjoyment. but of course, who would. i've been watching dbsk:D i know i'm slow since they debut-ed in 05 or 06 but i'm watching them only now. what a time considering the As this year.
i guess block tests 2 were better than block test 1, probably because i studied more and stuff. studied with jx in the last week! i hope it has been productive for both of us(:
love in the ice is a very nice song
Those freezing hands aren't your fault
They carry scars from long before
Afraid to love someone,You turn your back on the other side of the words...
Like ice, the embraced heart slowly starts to thaw
For anyone to be loved by someone,Makes life in this world shine
If it was me, I’d make your heart warm once more
With eternal tenderness
Even if fate’s games hurt the heart...
On the other side of the tears,
A single ray of light will swoop down into the darkness
We know that this is so
As strong as the suffering, we can feel people’s warmth
Everyone is searching for a place
That can take away the sorrow and loneliness
So… for you, that place is here
Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate anymore, because I’ll protect you
To the point of being painful (my heart)
This love is beautiful (don’t be afraid)
Even if just momentarily (let you know my love)
This time is beautiful (you know… let you know my love)
and so is hug!
하루만 니방의 침대가 되고싶어
I want to be your bed just for a day
더 따스히 포근히 내 품에 감싸 안고 재우고 싶어
I want to hug you in my arm very warmly and let you sleep
아주 작은 뒤척임도 너의 조그만 속삭임에
To your small move, To your small whispering
난 꿈속의 괴물도 이겨내 버릴 텐데
I will win the monster in my dream
내가 없는 너의 하룬 어떻게 흘러가는 건지
I am wondering how your life is going on without me
나를 얼마나 사랑하는지 난 너무나 궁금한데
I am so curious how much you love me
너의 작은 서랍 속의 일기장이 되고 싶어
I want to be your diary in your small drawer
알 수 없는 너의 그 비밀도 내 맘속에 담아둘래 너 몰래
I will keep your secret that no one can know in my heart ..
하루만 너의 고양이가 되고싶어
I want to be your cat just for a day
니가 주는 맛있는 우유와 부드러운 니품안에서
With delicious milk you give in your hug
움직이는 장난에도 너의 귀여운 입맞춤에
To playing.. To your cute kiss
나도 몰래 질투를 느끼고 있었나 봐
I might feel jealousy without noticing
내 마음이 이런 거야
My heart is like this
너 밖엔 볼 수 없는 거지
I only can look at you
누구를 봐도 어디 있어도
Whoever I look.. Wherever I am
난 너만 바라보잖아
I only look at you
단 하루만 아주 친한 너의 애인이 되고 싶어
I want to be your very closed lover just for a d ay
너의 자랑도 때론 투정도 다 들을 수 있을 텐데 널 위해
I can listen to your every self-pride or grumbling for you
In my heart in my soul 나에게 사랑이란 아직 어색하지만 uh uh babe
To me love is still awkward..
이 세상 모든걸 너에게 주고싶어 꿈에서라도
I want to give you everything in this world.. even in the dream
내 마음이 이런 거야
My heart is like this
지켜 볼 수만 있어도
If I only can look at you
너무 감사해
I am so thankful
많이 행복해
I feel so happy
나 조금은 부족해도
though I am little insufficient
언제까지 너의 곁에 연인으로 있고 싶어
I want to be your partner beside you until when
너를 내 품에 가득 안은 채 굳어버렸으면 싶어 영원히
I want to be freeze with you in my hug forever
the translation is a little off, but the meaning is there(: these songs accompanied me through block tests 2. not forgetting purple line. 'IS looks like, purple line'(lol private joke)
i think yoochun's voice is nice ahahah.:D
i've to thank everyone for motivating me(: jx, angela, sujun, jiayen, steph, mabel ((: and my mum of course. she bought an orange flower for me from malaysia knowing i'd like it.
off to watch dangerous love.:D which i think, is a funny, scary and nice show all at the same time(:
oh yes. i think this is a good way of remembering human genome project's ethical, social and legal issues : please fold peter rabbit's colourful umbrella for colourblind man cannot see! ahah. i only remembered this and forgot what the headings meant lol.
i guess block tests 2 were better than block test 1, probably because i studied more and stuff. studied with jx in the last week! i hope it has been productive for both of us(:
love in the ice is a very nice song
Those freezing hands aren't your fault
They carry scars from long before
Afraid to love someone,You turn your back on the other side of the words...
Like ice, the embraced heart slowly starts to thaw
For anyone to be loved by someone,Makes life in this world shine
If it was me, I’d make your heart warm once more
With eternal tenderness
Even if fate’s games hurt the heart...
On the other side of the tears,
A single ray of light will swoop down into the darkness
We know that this is so
As strong as the suffering, we can feel people’s warmth
Everyone is searching for a place
That can take away the sorrow and loneliness
So… for you, that place is here
Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate anymore, because I’ll protect you
To the point of being painful (my heart)
This love is beautiful (don’t be afraid)
Even if just momentarily (let you know my love)
This time is beautiful (you know… let you know my love)
and so is hug!
하루만 니방의 침대가 되고싶어
I want to be your bed just for a day
더 따스히 포근히 내 품에 감싸 안고 재우고 싶어
I want to hug you in my arm very warmly and let you sleep
아주 작은 뒤척임도 너의 조그만 속삭임에
To your small move, To your small whispering
난 꿈속의 괴물도 이겨내 버릴 텐데
I will win the monster in my dream
내가 없는 너의 하룬 어떻게 흘러가는 건지
I am wondering how your life is going on without me
나를 얼마나 사랑하는지 난 너무나 궁금한데
I am so curious how much you love me
너의 작은 서랍 속의 일기장이 되고 싶어
I want to be your diary in your small drawer
알 수 없는 너의 그 비밀도 내 맘속에 담아둘래 너 몰래
I will keep your secret that no one can know in my heart ..
하루만 너의 고양이가 되고싶어
I want to be your cat just for a day
니가 주는 맛있는 우유와 부드러운 니품안에서
With delicious milk you give in your hug
움직이는 장난에도 너의 귀여운 입맞춤에
To playing.. To your cute kiss
나도 몰래 질투를 느끼고 있었나 봐
I might feel jealousy without noticing
내 마음이 이런 거야
My heart is like this
너 밖엔 볼 수 없는 거지
I only can look at you
누구를 봐도 어디 있어도
Whoever I look.. Wherever I am
난 너만 바라보잖아
I only look at you
단 하루만 아주 친한 너의 애인이 되고 싶어
I want to be your very closed lover just for a d ay
너의 자랑도 때론 투정도 다 들을 수 있을 텐데 널 위해
I can listen to your every self-pride or grumbling for you
In my heart in my soul 나에게 사랑이란 아직 어색하지만 uh uh babe
To me love is still awkward..
이 세상 모든걸 너에게 주고싶어 꿈에서라도
I want to give you everything in this world.. even in the dream
내 마음이 이런 거야
My heart is like this
지켜 볼 수만 있어도
If I only can look at you
너무 감사해
I am so thankful
많이 행복해
I feel so happy
나 조금은 부족해도
though I am little insufficient
언제까지 너의 곁에 연인으로 있고 싶어
I want to be your partner beside you until when
너를 내 품에 가득 안은 채 굳어버렸으면 싶어 영원히
I want to be freeze with you in my hug forever
the translation is a little off, but the meaning is there(: these songs accompanied me through block tests 2. not forgetting purple line. 'IS looks like, purple line'(lol private joke)
i think yoochun's voice is nice ahahah.:D
i've to thank everyone for motivating me(: jx, angela, sujun, jiayen, steph, mabel ((: and my mum of course. she bought an orange flower for me from malaysia knowing i'd like it.
off to watch dangerous love.:D which i think, is a funny, scary and nice show all at the same time(:
oh yes. i think this is a good way of remembering human genome project's ethical, social and legal issues : please fold peter rabbit's colourful umbrella for colourblind man cannot see! ahah. i only remembered this and forgot what the headings meant lol.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
i was having a dilemma as to whether to blog or not. tomorrow being a mock spa day and time should be spent studying and all. but well, i succummbed(sp) to blogging in the end. i came online to check for a packing list for camp tomorrow but i ended up going everywhere and got distracted.
the weeks of tests are almost over and the ocip exhibition went alright and smoothly without much glitches.(: i don't want to be a whiny child and complain about all the tests and mock papers that i have so i guess i'll just keep those to myself.
nothing much to say here. except for the fact that my body always threatens to get unwell many times but i don't really get sick in the end, and isnt those feelings more terrible than getting really sick? because you are neither here nor there.
a few days ago, i remembered this quote from jlc, which is 'i wonder how eating something so good could make me feel so terrible'. it was something about eating ice cream or something. so i took the book out and started looking for the story which had that quote. then i came across the lena st clair story which talked about the being displaced or something. and something about the walking around with eyes wide open and looking scared.
went for rugby match on monday at the padang.
i think they(the saints) played really well, but the other team was definitely faster and had better moves. but it was a good game and it was time well spent watching the game, it being one of the last few games that we'd be able to watch this year.(:
just like jx, i've been spending time at the library with her to study almost every saturday! and of course i'm proud(of your love) HAHAHA.
we'll continue our study session next saturday((:
i hope camp will go well:D
i don't know how to explain my bad moods and moodswings but i can't use it as an excuse to treat people badly.
i think jx's words :
'I think friends need t motivate each other t study& its not merely a one-way thing. & words are not enough. You need t do it. Sometimes, it just gets so tiring& others seem t be sucking your determination away from you. Times like this, you got t ignore them, if you dont have the willpower/energy t pull them along' are really meaningful.
it sounds like what you'd read about in jlc. as in somehow in one way or another at any point in life, people just get so pessimistic, friends who encouraged you at first and are now pessimistic just seems to drain my own optimism towards something away.and it just gets eroded andtakes some time to come back.
the weeks of tests are almost over and the ocip exhibition went alright and smoothly without much glitches.(: i don't want to be a whiny child and complain about all the tests and mock papers that i have so i guess i'll just keep those to myself.
nothing much to say here. except for the fact that my body always threatens to get unwell many times but i don't really get sick in the end, and isnt those feelings more terrible than getting really sick? because you are neither here nor there.
a few days ago, i remembered this quote from jlc, which is 'i wonder how eating something so good could make me feel so terrible'. it was something about eating ice cream or something. so i took the book out and started looking for the story which had that quote. then i came across the lena st clair story which talked about the being displaced or something. and something about the walking around with eyes wide open and looking scared.
went for rugby match on monday at the padang.
i think they(the saints) played really well, but the other team was definitely faster and had better moves. but it was a good game and it was time well spent watching the game, it being one of the last few games that we'd be able to watch this year.(:
just like jx, i've been spending time at the library with her to study almost every saturday! and of course i'm proud(of your love) HAHAHA.
we'll continue our study session next saturday((:
i hope camp will go well:D
i don't know how to explain my bad moods and moodswings but i can't use it as an excuse to treat people badly.
i think jx's words :
'I think friends need t motivate each other t study& its not merely a one-way thing. & words are not enough. You need t do it. Sometimes, it just gets so tiring& others seem t be sucking your determination away from you. Times like this, you got t ignore them, if you dont have the willpower/energy t pull them along' are really meaningful.
it sounds like what you'd read about in jlc. as in somehow in one way or another at any point in life, people just get so pessimistic, friends who encouraged you at first and are now pessimistic just seems to drain my own optimism towards something away.and it just gets eroded andtakes some time to come back.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
much has happened and i think i've kind of finally am able to let go. to not get so bothered at the nitty gritty things but look at the big picture which is the ending point and all the major stuff and all. so you will not bother me anymore and i've come to accept you as who you are. i learnt something: if you have nothing better to say, then just don't say anything. so that's what i'll do.
i've had conversations with my mum and sometimes this is how it goes when we're watching tv
me: i think this actress is pretty, don't you think so?
mum: that is because you only look at the nose or particular features. you've got to look at the big picture, the entire face
i think it sounds like something you'd read about in JLC.:O
so that is what i've been trying to do, no doubt it's hard. i think it's a lesson to be learnt, to be able to focus on the big picture instead of being bothered with all the minor stuff.not just in looking if someone is pretty but in other aspects of life as well.these days, i've seen people in a new light, as if they've changed their looks (well not so exaggerated but to some extent), and i've discovered more pretty people, and of course, not-so-pretty ones. i've come to notice more features of the face that i like other than the nose-.-. doesn't that sound contradictory?
one week after, life still goes on.
i watched october sky during gp today and it was really inspiring. i teared towards the end because the teacher's wish or hope for her students finally came to fruition and the worst thing is, she passed away. i didnt really get why we watched it, like was it related to science or was it to motivate us.
i think i'm able to focus more during lectures because of the ginko tablets my mum bought.:D i simply love my mum! she bought this very cute turtle thing which is sort of a handphone holder, and it's so cute(: haha and it's not just because she buys things for me, but the fact that she makes an effort to talk to me everyday even though both she and i are busy.:D
on a random note, i saw a rainbow today(:
and after being random, i forget what i want to say.
it's now time to post pictures of cute guy a.k.a 'zi cong'!
everyone says he's not shuai!
but he has deep set eyes, a sharp nose, and a nice general face! there i go again, being superficial and looking only at the minor features. but i think overall, he looks good:D
zi cong! aka bosco wong!
i started doing sudoku again this week. i did one on the bus to school every day for the past 2 days. and on another random note, i think twins are really cool. imagine the things you can do with your twin:D
i've had conversations with my mum and sometimes this is how it goes when we're watching tv
me: i think this actress is pretty, don't you think so?
mum: that is because you only look at the nose or particular features. you've got to look at the big picture, the entire face
i think it sounds like something you'd read about in JLC.:O
so that is what i've been trying to do, no doubt it's hard. i think it's a lesson to be learnt, to be able to focus on the big picture instead of being bothered with all the minor stuff.not just in looking if someone is pretty but in other aspects of life as well.these days, i've seen people in a new light, as if they've changed their looks (well not so exaggerated but to some extent), and i've discovered more pretty people, and of course, not-so-pretty ones. i've come to notice more features of the face that i like other than the nose-.-. doesn't that sound contradictory?
one week after, life still goes on.
i watched october sky during gp today and it was really inspiring. i teared towards the end because the teacher's wish or hope for her students finally came to fruition and the worst thing is, she passed away. i didnt really get why we watched it, like was it related to science or was it to motivate us.
i think i'm able to focus more during lectures because of the ginko tablets my mum bought.:D i simply love my mum! she bought this very cute turtle thing which is sort of a handphone holder, and it's so cute(: haha and it's not just because she buys things for me, but the fact that she makes an effort to talk to me everyday even though both she and i are busy.:D
on a random note, i saw a rainbow today(:
and after being random, i forget what i want to say.
it's now time to post pictures of cute guy a.k.a 'zi cong'!
everyone says he's not shuai!
but he has deep set eyes, a sharp nose, and a nice general face! there i go again, being superficial and looking only at the minor features. but i think overall, he looks good:D
zi cong! aka bosco wong!
i started doing sudoku again this week. i did one on the bus to school every day for the past 2 days. and on another random note, i think twins are really cool. imagine the things you can do with your twin:D
Sunday, April 13, 2008
happiness turned to relief, which gradually evolved into disapointment and lastly sadness.
i got my first ever B in a very major examination
but whatever it is, i really am grateful for all the help i received in helping me get a B nonetheless.
my mum bought dewberry for me to reward me for getting a b, but that is not the point, really.
no one can understand my feelings about getting a b.
maybe you've gotten a b and you're thinking, what the hell are you ranting about since you got a b. just shut up and accept it. people who got a b last year in sa thanked their lucky stars but here you are complaining and lamenting. but i'd say, why do i have to be content about getting a b. is it very good? no. it isn't. it isn't the best grade i can ever get. maybe i really am a perfectionist in this sense that i don't feel any happiness in getting a b say for the exception that i felt relieved that i didnt get a C.
life has been good, if you don't factor in the work factor, and my fluctuating moods
i think i have a horrible temper.
i can be smiling and laughing one moment and then i'd get all quiet another.
thinking too much
being too sensitive
i think i've been a very bad friend to my friends.
i'm unable to express my true thoughts and feelings to you properly because i always feel guilty and angry at myself for thinking this way.
i don't know why i've been feeling this way. maybe i do know the reason but i probably don't want to face it.
i suddenly remember a quote from JLC
'people who are weak will sway in the wind' something about having no roots, or 'heimongmong'.i don't remember them anymore.maybe i've become 'hulihudu' and i can't see things clearly anymore
i got my first ever B in a very major examination
but whatever it is, i really am grateful for all the help i received in helping me get a B nonetheless.
my mum bought dewberry for me to reward me for getting a b, but that is not the point, really.
no one can understand my feelings about getting a b.
maybe you've gotten a b and you're thinking, what the hell are you ranting about since you got a b. just shut up and accept it. people who got a b last year in sa thanked their lucky stars but here you are complaining and lamenting. but i'd say, why do i have to be content about getting a b. is it very good? no. it isn't. it isn't the best grade i can ever get. maybe i really am a perfectionist in this sense that i don't feel any happiness in getting a b say for the exception that i felt relieved that i didnt get a C.
life has been good, if you don't factor in the work factor, and my fluctuating moods
i think i have a horrible temper.
i can be smiling and laughing one moment and then i'd get all quiet another.
thinking too much
being too sensitive
i think i've been a very bad friend to my friends.
i'm unable to express my true thoughts and feelings to you properly because i always feel guilty and angry at myself for thinking this way.
i don't know why i've been feeling this way. maybe i do know the reason but i probably don't want to face it.
i suddenly remember a quote from JLC
'people who are weak will sway in the wind' something about having no roots, or 'heimongmong'.i don't remember them anymore.maybe i've become 'hulihudu' and i can't see things clearly anymore
Monday, April 07, 2008
i don't want to say anymore.
the more i say, the more i offend people
when i say things when i mean it, i am serious and i don't say it jokingly and i have a serious tone.
and when i don't mean things, i'm just joking and it is not meant to be taken seriously. please dont take what i say under these circumstances seriously, please
i hope people don't get offended and distinguish what i mean from what i don't mean.
that is all
the more i say, the more i offend people
when i say things when i mean it, i am serious and i don't say it jokingly and i have a serious tone.
and when i don't mean things, i'm just joking and it is not meant to be taken seriously. please dont take what i say under these circumstances seriously, please
i hope people don't get offended and distinguish what i mean from what i don't mean.
that is all
Saturday, March 29, 2008
self-consolation does not work anymore. it is just so hard. i feel so bad that i had did so badly for the block tests. i keep telling myself that block test is just a small pebble. this is what i remembered from joanne chua's consolation when i was upset over tests. that the As are the big big giantic rock and the small pebbles don't matter as much. but this only means that i fell short of my own expectations. i am not angry at anyone but myself. why did i allow myself to make the mistakes that i knew was incorrect. why hadn't i wrote everything i knew, and the worst of all, panicked during the papers.
and i'm grateful for the encouragement that sujun said, and steph too.:D
had bio spa this week and my hands trembled. and before the start, everyone (or alot of people) said they'd write for 30 minutes and start doing experiment. but during spa, no one stopped writing at 30 mins and instead, most spent 40 writing.'.'
i'm starting to like gp lessons because our gp teacher's really good.
and i'm grateful for the encouragement that sujun said, and steph too.:D
had bio spa this week and my hands trembled. and before the start, everyone (or alot of people) said they'd write for 30 minutes and start doing experiment. but during spa, no one stopped writing at 30 mins and instead, most spent 40 writing.'.'
i'm starting to like gp lessons because our gp teacher's really good.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
what total burnout.
for the first time ever in my life as a student, i felt like giving up in an exam. had chem on mon, bio and econs on tues and math on wed. monday night tuesday was the worst day ever. on monday, i went home not knowing how tp split my time betweeen bio and econs. but thankfully, what i memorized was tested, so i got lucky there. and the point that i felt so mentally drained was halfway through the bio paper. i was at the middle part and there was still so much to go i felt that i couldn't go on.today, i felt the same way. the questions they set were so tough so again, i felt that i didn't have the energy to carry on. at question 4 i already started panicking.i teared when i went home thinking about my block tests, that i would have nothing to show for what i'd done during the holidays. it's true that my focus is the As. but doing well in these tests would be an indication of how well you'd do in the actual As. if you keep failing these tests, do you think you would have the confidence or do you even think you can improve overnight and get the As that everyone desires? i'd think the answer is an obvious no. that is what has been discouraging me so much and nagging at me when i'd done badly in tests and all. but i'm really glad for having such great friends who'd take time out of studying to write me notes to motivate me. and i am really motivated by those notes.i get so motivated to study so hard but the disappointment is so great when i sit in the hall and find that i can't do those questions. i feel like all my preparation had all gone to waste. on a lighter note, my very smart aunt got very good results in the As and i'm very motivated to score as well as her! she passed me all her notes so i better get down to reading and filling my brain with stuff that can score me my As instead of bearing grudges against petty stuff that happen daily.
since many has asked about how my new house is. i think it's a much better and conducive environment from the old house. and it's also quiet and cool. i don't need to turn on the fan unless i really need to. but sometimes, sitting in my room for the entire day studying, like what i'd done the entire week, i feel like time passes so fast. everytime i look at my watch, one hour has passed, another hour has passed. and starting work at 8 or 9, and soon the day ends with me not doing much.the journey home has been fine(: and i this week i absent-mindedly left my ez link card in the hall after chem. and many people say i worry for the wrong reasons, which is absolutely true-.-but i found it in the end at the GO.
tomorrow i shall spend my time productively.and no, i won't be mugging. not so soon of course.:D
HAHA JX! i really wish that we spent more time rotting during the 06 holidays.it's always like that. during holidays i dont play enough and then when it's time for real work i think i didnt play enough during the holidays. and yes, you can come to woodlands library some day and we can study! you can teach me DE which i have zero idea as to how to do.D: lend me JLC soon(: i feel alot for the book too, just like i do for EOTP as we're still quoting to each other now:D
things have gotten better, on the part of ehem ehem.
for the first time ever in my life as a student, i felt like giving up in an exam. had chem on mon, bio and econs on tues and math on wed. monday night tuesday was the worst day ever. on monday, i went home not knowing how tp split my time betweeen bio and econs. but thankfully, what i memorized was tested, so i got lucky there. and the point that i felt so mentally drained was halfway through the bio paper. i was at the middle part and there was still so much to go i felt that i couldn't go on.today, i felt the same way. the questions they set were so tough so again, i felt that i didn't have the energy to carry on. at question 4 i already started panicking.i teared when i went home thinking about my block tests, that i would have nothing to show for what i'd done during the holidays. it's true that my focus is the As. but doing well in these tests would be an indication of how well you'd do in the actual As. if you keep failing these tests, do you think you would have the confidence or do you even think you can improve overnight and get the As that everyone desires? i'd think the answer is an obvious no. that is what has been discouraging me so much and nagging at me when i'd done badly in tests and all. but i'm really glad for having such great friends who'd take time out of studying to write me notes to motivate me. and i am really motivated by those notes.i get so motivated to study so hard but the disappointment is so great when i sit in the hall and find that i can't do those questions. i feel like all my preparation had all gone to waste. on a lighter note, my very smart aunt got very good results in the As and i'm very motivated to score as well as her! she passed me all her notes so i better get down to reading and filling my brain with stuff that can score me my As instead of bearing grudges against petty stuff that happen daily.
since many has asked about how my new house is. i think it's a much better and conducive environment from the old house. and it's also quiet and cool. i don't need to turn on the fan unless i really need to. but sometimes, sitting in my room for the entire day studying, like what i'd done the entire week, i feel like time passes so fast. everytime i look at my watch, one hour has passed, another hour has passed. and starting work at 8 or 9, and soon the day ends with me not doing much.the journey home has been fine(: and i this week i absent-mindedly left my ez link card in the hall after chem. and many people say i worry for the wrong reasons, which is absolutely true-.-but i found it in the end at the GO.
tomorrow i shall spend my time productively.and no, i won't be mugging. not so soon of course.:D
HAHA JX! i really wish that we spent more time rotting during the 06 holidays.it's always like that. during holidays i dont play enough and then when it's time for real work i think i didnt play enough during the holidays. and yes, you can come to woodlands library some day and we can study! you can teach me DE which i have zero idea as to how to do.D: lend me JLC soon(: i feel alot for the book too, just like i do for EOTP as we're still quoting to each other now:D
things have gotten better, on the part of ehem ehem.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
this week has been good.
gp is over and done with. i don't wish to think about it until after all the block tests are over.
and as for chinese, i'm glad to say that i didn't let myself down. and i'm going to study real hard this year so that i won't cry because of disappointment. instead, i will cry tears of joy next year. i was talking to my mum yesterday, of my fear of not being able to attain what i want to next year. ship told me to do what i did for the Os but i feel so overwhelmed by the workload i'm not sure if i can make it. my aunt got all As for her As. as of yesterday, i've one more idol added to my long list.
yesterday was a fun and interesting and exciting day for steph sujun and i(:
we began our stalking trail after collecting our chinese results. and of course, 偷拍-ed some people in particular. :D and jay still looks nice despite having a change in hairstyle. and some other things are best left unsaid.
goodbye to 142! and hello to 1 hour bus journey home.
gp is over and done with. i don't wish to think about it until after all the block tests are over.
and as for chinese, i'm glad to say that i didn't let myself down. and i'm going to study real hard this year so that i won't cry because of disappointment. instead, i will cry tears of joy next year. i was talking to my mum yesterday, of my fear of not being able to attain what i want to next year. ship told me to do what i did for the Os but i feel so overwhelmed by the workload i'm not sure if i can make it. my aunt got all As for her As. as of yesterday, i've one more idol added to my long list.
yesterday was a fun and interesting and exciting day for steph sujun and i(:
we began our stalking trail after collecting our chinese results. and of course, 偷拍-ed some people in particular. :D and jay still looks nice despite having a change in hairstyle. and some other things are best left unsaid.
goodbye to 142! and hello to 1 hour bus journey home.
Friday, February 29, 2008
i guess i've gotten my thinking sorted out, for now
i've kind of accepted the fact that i'll never be able to click with some people in class.and it's been so long i've no more energy to carry on trying to build that bond.maybe i haven't put in enough effort but everything takes two to clap.so i guess the problem doesn't lie with me alone
but that doesn't matter so much because i've found good friends i can share my problems with(:
and i seem to have been a little insecure of late. but when have i ever been secure? i guess like what jx said on her blog, i feel the same way.
"Do you feel so sad sometimes? When one of your friend treats you differently or when one of your friends receive some special treatment but you dont? & You can only tell yourself repeatedly, its okay and that you both were not equal in his/her eyes t begin w. Kind of puts a dent in your self-confidence, doesnt it? Those ppl dont know how it hurts when these friends just walk away like that when their 'special friend' is here."
of course. both of you were supposedly on the same ground at the start. and i thought that our friendship would have been more than this. but time and again, it has always been proven that i was wrong. it really decreases my self worth. i know that a person's self worth is measured by more than friendships but somehow it just does.
i guess some people do share my opinions after all and now i know it's not just me being overly sensitive. i read an article today that guys do not like girls who act all haughty and flirtatious. but my friend says that guys would feel flattered in the short run by the girl's actions and, as a result, fall in love with her? then wouldn't it be contradiction or an irony?
as i was hanging out my clothes, which i do everyday, this thought always comes to my mind. what if i fall out of the window? fall 3 storeys and fall to my death? the thought of death and afterlife is so daunting. what'd happen then? would it mean the end of me? but i still have so many things unaccomplished and i would just die like that. i mean, sometimes i'd think it's good, with no more stress of the As and all. but wouldnt it be so foolish to lose your life and everything else to stress? i feel that through service learning, i yearn for the kind of lifestyle they lead. it's stress free. everyday go there, play mahjong everyday, sing karaoke once a week, learn to cook once a week. keeping fit by walking around. nothing else. but of course there are other trade offs. things which you have to sacrifice.
sometimes i wonder if i'm being too hard on that person. i mean, he or she is just trying to please everyone, which really is nothing wrong in principle. however it just irks me and i just feel that he or she shoudn't behave this way. isn't it so hypocritical to smile at someone you hate deep down but superficially, you still smile, joke, laugh and make fun of the person. during math remedial today, i felt this feeling i feel every math tutorial. it's not fear of the teacher, but of lowliness. i think there's no such word but i just made it up. i've lived with this feeling for so long so why can't i bear with it a little longer? just for a few more months or so. but there's really a limit to one's patience and mine is running out. and the truth is: i want to be respected. not in the sense that i'm being tortured or insulted but some will get what i mean. and another thing is that isn't it so scary that when a person smiles at you when he or she in fact hates you deep inside. it'd be the chinese saying xiao4 li3 cang2 dao1. i don't want to experience it let alone do that to others.
my week passes relatively quickly in spite of the tests. and before i knew it, it was friday already. and of course, during the weekend there's my girl to look forward to even though i've watched it 2 times and this would be the third. but it's such a nice show everyone should watch it, when they have time of course.
i was pretty upset when i typed the above but i'm fine now after saying all that i really feel. and, this is one of the longest posts i've typed this year and probably one of the few when i'm in this sort of a reflective mood. i'm off to reply letter now. (:
i'm moving in a week's time and i'm kind of looking forward to it. as in it'd be interesting but hard work. and i've been taking photos of my present house. so that i won't forget how it looked and all. this has become part of my character i guess. everytime i experience something so great or wonderful, i want to keep it in my memory forever but i'm afraid that i'd forget. so this time i took photos, and in the case of ocip, i wrote a long ten page journal of the entire trip and in the case of memorable outings, i'd write it in my diary. and this is all because i'm not confident in my own memory. of my own brain.
i've kind of accepted the fact that i'll never be able to click with some people in class.and it's been so long i've no more energy to carry on trying to build that bond.maybe i haven't put in enough effort but everything takes two to clap.so i guess the problem doesn't lie with me alone
but that doesn't matter so much because i've found good friends i can share my problems with(:
and i seem to have been a little insecure of late. but when have i ever been secure? i guess like what jx said on her blog, i feel the same way.
"Do you feel so sad sometimes? When one of your friend treats you differently or when one of your friends receive some special treatment but you dont? & You can only tell yourself repeatedly, its okay and that you both were not equal in his/her eyes t begin w. Kind of puts a dent in your self-confidence, doesnt it? Those ppl dont know how it hurts when these friends just walk away like that when their 'special friend' is here."
of course. both of you were supposedly on the same ground at the start. and i thought that our friendship would have been more than this. but time and again, it has always been proven that i was wrong. it really decreases my self worth. i know that a person's self worth is measured by more than friendships but somehow it just does.
i guess some people do share my opinions after all and now i know it's not just me being overly sensitive. i read an article today that guys do not like girls who act all haughty and flirtatious. but my friend says that guys would feel flattered in the short run by the girl's actions and, as a result, fall in love with her? then wouldn't it be contradiction or an irony?
as i was hanging out my clothes, which i do everyday, this thought always comes to my mind. what if i fall out of the window? fall 3 storeys and fall to my death? the thought of death and afterlife is so daunting. what'd happen then? would it mean the end of me? but i still have so many things unaccomplished and i would just die like that. i mean, sometimes i'd think it's good, with no more stress of the As and all. but wouldnt it be so foolish to lose your life and everything else to stress? i feel that through service learning, i yearn for the kind of lifestyle they lead. it's stress free. everyday go there, play mahjong everyday, sing karaoke once a week, learn to cook once a week. keeping fit by walking around. nothing else. but of course there are other trade offs. things which you have to sacrifice.
sometimes i wonder if i'm being too hard on that person. i mean, he or she is just trying to please everyone, which really is nothing wrong in principle. however it just irks me and i just feel that he or she shoudn't behave this way. isn't it so hypocritical to smile at someone you hate deep down but superficially, you still smile, joke, laugh and make fun of the person. during math remedial today, i felt this feeling i feel every math tutorial. it's not fear of the teacher, but of lowliness. i think there's no such word but i just made it up. i've lived with this feeling for so long so why can't i bear with it a little longer? just for a few more months or so. but there's really a limit to one's patience and mine is running out. and the truth is: i want to be respected. not in the sense that i'm being tortured or insulted but some will get what i mean. and another thing is that isn't it so scary that when a person smiles at you when he or she in fact hates you deep inside. it'd be the chinese saying xiao4 li3 cang2 dao1. i don't want to experience it let alone do that to others.
my week passes relatively quickly in spite of the tests. and before i knew it, it was friday already. and of course, during the weekend there's my girl to look forward to even though i've watched it 2 times and this would be the third. but it's such a nice show everyone should watch it, when they have time of course.
i was pretty upset when i typed the above but i'm fine now after saying all that i really feel. and, this is one of the longest posts i've typed this year and probably one of the few when i'm in this sort of a reflective mood. i'm off to reply letter now. (:
i'm moving in a week's time and i'm kind of looking forward to it. as in it'd be interesting but hard work. and i've been taking photos of my present house. so that i won't forget how it looked and all. this has become part of my character i guess. everytime i experience something so great or wonderful, i want to keep it in my memory forever but i'm afraid that i'd forget. so this time i took photos, and in the case of ocip, i wrote a long ten page journal of the entire trip and in the case of memorable outings, i'd write it in my diary. and this is all because i'm not confident in my own memory. of my own brain.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
there isn't much to say.
except school is made interesting by my very entertaining friends.
HAIR!
i want to go on a long long holiday
and besides studying now, i've also got to pack all my things within these 2 weeks.
and i want to move house, but yet i don't.
and most of all, i'm not looking forward to taking the more than 1 hour bus ride home.D:
except school is made interesting by my very entertaining friends.
HAIR!
i want to go on a long long holiday
and besides studying now, i've also got to pack all my things within these 2 weeks.
and i want to move house, but yet i don't.
and most of all, i'm not looking forward to taking the more than 1 hour bus ride home.D:
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
these few days have been good. the friendship week thing seems to have brightened my mood.today was surprise a friend day. haha and there was this true friends questions. did with sujun and it was so hilarious! zhiyang asked retarded questions and then he asked this question 'what is the name you call ____' and of course, we know the answer to it very well and that is the only question that we got correct! those what is your favourite movie and kind of questions were those which stumped me. it was really funny but you must have been there to witness it to know it.
i've made up my mind about some things and i hope i won't change my stand on what has already been decided. i've received replies about the fact that hypocrisy is a necessary evil. but somehow, i can't bring myself to do it. i mean, i can't. and as many will know, my facial expressions give everything away. and i sometimes don't know what look i give people and i even have to ask them what expression i gave. you may think i'm trying to find excuses but no, seriously. i haven't been talking to you for days, i realise.
over the long chinese new year holiday, i read a romance book. and it's these books which put silly notions of love into your head when you know that these fairytale endings seldom occur in reality. hahaha
and well, the reality now is that block tests are coming really soon.
i can foresee that i wont have much time to study during march holidays since i'll be moving during that period of time
and i read someone's blog today. i was so elated that it had been updated but then, it contained some stuff which made me think really hard. then i would have rathered that it not be updated. but of course, nothing is as important as school this year. :D
i've made up my mind about some things and i hope i won't change my stand on what has already been decided. i've received replies about the fact that hypocrisy is a necessary evil. but somehow, i can't bring myself to do it. i mean, i can't. and as many will know, my facial expressions give everything away. and i sometimes don't know what look i give people and i even have to ask them what expression i gave. you may think i'm trying to find excuses but no, seriously. i haven't been talking to you for days, i realise.
over the long chinese new year holiday, i read a romance book. and it's these books which put silly notions of love into your head when you know that these fairytale endings seldom occur in reality. hahaha
and well, the reality now is that block tests are coming really soon.
i can foresee that i wont have much time to study during march holidays since i'll be moving during that period of time
and i read someone's blog today. i was so elated that it had been updated but then, it contained some stuff which made me think really hard. then i would have rathered that it not be updated. but of course, nothing is as important as school this year. :D
Thursday, February 07, 2008
i think i haven't blogged since last week or so.
the past week, has been fine.
you know, sometimes i feel, even when i'm surrounded by so many people, i feel so alone. that feeling never fails to surround me. and i find my temper getting worse and at extremes. i guess i've really been thinking far too much than i really should. sometimes, i feel, life's short, and we shouldn't worry so much, but yet, at other times, which is really most of the time, i feel that of course there's a need to worry. and how can you just cruise through life thinking about nothing?
and of course, another thing is, i feel like such a hypocrite. i find that you really suck but why am i still talking to you as if i treat you like my friend. i've tried my best to be accommodating but your actions seem to make my efforts futile. i can't go on doing this.
i've gotten my math and chem msas back. chem has really disappointed me. or i've disappointed myself and i'm really surprised for math. and the rest will be bad (this is the pessimistic me). we had a talk on stress relief and through a personality test, i find that i'm still pessimistic. i guess old habits die hard.
the new year has been, stuffing my face with yummy pastries. no bakkwa for me this year cause mum didn't buy. inflation you see.
it's time to go. to brighten my mood watching yoga! (: what an emo post, and on CNY at that.
'why is it people without background can never learn tact?'
- peter stockmann, an enemy of the people
the past week, has been fine.
you know, sometimes i feel, even when i'm surrounded by so many people, i feel so alone. that feeling never fails to surround me. and i find my temper getting worse and at extremes. i guess i've really been thinking far too much than i really should. sometimes, i feel, life's short, and we shouldn't worry so much, but yet, at other times, which is really most of the time, i feel that of course there's a need to worry. and how can you just cruise through life thinking about nothing?
and of course, another thing is, i feel like such a hypocrite. i find that you really suck but why am i still talking to you as if i treat you like my friend. i've tried my best to be accommodating but your actions seem to make my efforts futile. i can't go on doing this.
i've gotten my math and chem msas back. chem has really disappointed me. or i've disappointed myself and i'm really surprised for math. and the rest will be bad (this is the pessimistic me). we had a talk on stress relief and through a personality test, i find that i'm still pessimistic. i guess old habits die hard.
the new year has been, stuffing my face with yummy pastries. no bakkwa for me this year cause mum didn't buy. inflation you see.
it's time to go. to brighten my mood watching yoga! (: what an emo post, and on CNY at that.
'why is it people without background can never learn tact?'
- peter stockmann, an enemy of the people
Saturday, January 26, 2008
replies to tags because it has grown to such a long list.
jx: hahaha! yea who would have imagined! what'd u do every week in that cca? make badges as training of arm muscles -.- then go join some cca like rock-climbing. lol. HAI life hasn't been good.i hope you're fine!
wanying: hello MAAM! dont hit mariah anymore!! sobbb!
shunli: omg xiaozhuu!! YOGA rocks manzz!((:
mandy: haha yes! JLC! i think it's quite a good book but hard to study from! :D meaningful book i think.let's press on for MSAs!
uh well, since i shouldn't even been here in the first place.a short entry will do. i just read jx's blog and i find that i feel the same, for the first part i mean. i don't know what the problem is these days. i find that i'm not as close to my friends anymore. maybe it's the fact that everyone is studying hard now and do not have time to think so much, much less confide in you and all. or i'm the one thinking too much. i should be spending more time on improving my math.speaking of which, leaves me feeling very demoralised. and, my favourite lesson, pe has been so tiring and i dont seem to enjoy them anymore. but well actually i think i do lah~.:D
talking to jx on the phone now and about inflation now. about the ecomonic rice increase in price. increase in price means is not ecomonical anymore-.-
chem bio and gp msa this week and i can only say that i hope for the best. i wouldn't expect much of it.
hmm nothing much to look forward to next week.received a msg from xuehui this week.i'm waiting for jx's letter. guess that's the only thing i'll be looking forward to:D
PRESS ON MY DEARS!
jx: hahaha! yea who would have imagined! what'd u do every week in that cca? make badges as training of arm muscles -.- then go join some cca like rock-climbing. lol. HAI life hasn't been good.i hope you're fine!
wanying: hello MAAM! dont hit mariah anymore!! sobbb!
shunli: omg xiaozhuu!! YOGA rocks manzz!((:
mandy: haha yes! JLC! i think it's quite a good book but hard to study from! :D meaningful book i think.let's press on for MSAs!
uh well, since i shouldn't even been here in the first place.a short entry will do. i just read jx's blog and i find that i feel the same, for the first part i mean. i don't know what the problem is these days. i find that i'm not as close to my friends anymore. maybe it's the fact that everyone is studying hard now and do not have time to think so much, much less confide in you and all. or i'm the one thinking too much. i should be spending more time on improving my math.speaking of which, leaves me feeling very demoralised. and, my favourite lesson, pe has been so tiring and i dont seem to enjoy them anymore. but well actually i think i do lah~.:D
talking to jx on the phone now and about inflation now. about the ecomonic rice increase in price. increase in price means is not ecomonical anymore-.-
chem bio and gp msa this week and i can only say that i hope for the best. i wouldn't expect much of it.
hmm nothing much to look forward to next week.received a msg from xuehui this week.i'm waiting for jx's letter. guess that's the only thing i'll be looking forward to:D
PRESS ON MY DEARS!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
my third post of the year i think.
it's morning now and i'm blogging first before i go to the library to study:D
this week has been fruitful.
and i dont seem to feel so j2-ish. and this may have been what the j2s felt last year when the j1s looked at them and felt that they were very old. when it's just 1 year of age gap.
something that happened during cca signup :P
j1s: is this the badge making society
syif: ?? no this is for ocip. for a good cause!
i think it's really funny and we made some nonsensical badges which don't really make sense.
haha but still, it's fundraising for our karimun trip. and i'm really thankful to ship, mabel and melshan who made so many badges.
life has been good. i've been paying so much attention in class this year. and i feel like i've learnt alot after each lesson. bio's good too. and this has to continue. training has also been enjoyable. i think it's the first time in a long while that i feel so motivated already, other than the prevalent notion that training will help us to burn off fats(oggy!)
that's all i can say and i've got to go hit the books!
TAKE CARE, MY LOVES
it's morning now and i'm blogging first before i go to the library to study:D
this week has been fruitful.
and i dont seem to feel so j2-ish. and this may have been what the j2s felt last year when the j1s looked at them and felt that they were very old. when it's just 1 year of age gap.
something that happened during cca signup :P
j1s: is this the badge making society
syif: ?? no this is for ocip. for a good cause!
i think it's really funny and we made some nonsensical badges which don't really make sense.
haha but still, it's fundraising for our karimun trip. and i'm really thankful to ship, mabel and melshan who made so many badges.
life has been good. i've been paying so much attention in class this year. and i feel like i've learnt alot after each lesson. bio's good too. and this has to continue. training has also been enjoyable. i think it's the first time in a long while that i feel so motivated already, other than the prevalent notion that training will help us to burn off fats(oggy!)
that's all i can say and i've got to go hit the books!
TAKE CARE, MY LOVES
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
this is my first post of the year at 8:26pm.
and probably, one of the very few posts for the year.
currently, i'm watching 换换爱 and playing neopets and blogging. i hate to be a wet blanket. but i'm forseeing what'll be in my life this year.
firstly, a huge and never ending pile of lecture notes and worksheets
secondly, insufficient sleep and dozing off at my dining table
thirdly, never ending tests and whatnots
but i'm not going to be afraid of all those
hahaha all these 3!
i'm going to overcome all of you!
all the best to me and s11 and my bests!
more photos of OCIP, as requested by sujun!
AND a photo of yoga!!:D
and one more video!
and probably, one of the very few posts for the year.
currently, i'm watching 换换爱 and playing neopets and blogging. i hate to be a wet blanket. but i'm forseeing what'll be in my life this year.
firstly, a huge and never ending pile of lecture notes and worksheets
secondly, insufficient sleep and dozing off at my dining table
thirdly, never ending tests and whatnots
but i'm not going to be afraid of all those
hahaha all these 3!
i'm going to overcome all of you!
all the best to me and s11 and my bests!
more photos of OCIP, as requested by sujun!
AND a photo of yoga!!:D
and one more video!
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