I wonder

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel as if something is not right, but you force yourself to think that it's really just your paranoia speaking. Yet in the end, it turns out you were right in the first place. I really hate being in such situations because it's like I've convinced myself to stop thinking about it, but the next moment it comes back to me, even worse than before. I've got a very sensitive receptor (??) to conflict and anger. Just a little or minute change in a person's attitude and I'd be able to detect if he/she is angry at yours truly. And I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It might be better to just feign ignorance and live in bliss (at least until an outburst occurs, if it does occur).

And I end up trying very hard to recall what I have done wrong the whole day to warrant such a silent treatment. Right now I'm feeling so isolated in my own home. Not truly alone physically, but so alone in actual fact. I think of all methods of anger expression, silent treatment hurts the most and is the most ridiculous of all. And you know my ability to scrutinise and recall the whole day's happenings to guess what I did wrong. The problem would be solved so easily if I did something really major to piss someone off. But right now, after thinking for 3 hours I still can't figure it out. I mean if you want to get angry at me you've got to tell me the reason. How would you react if I did the same back to you? Which I did x years ago to which you never noticed.

Right now I can only think of self-wallowing and self-justification incidents which is kind of like a self-defense mechanism. It's like I've done so much, not to claim credit under normal circumstances but this isn't under normal circumstances. But you probably just notice what I've not done, or done wrongly.

I hate this feeling and well, I doubt you're feeling any better. Probably better than I am, by just a little.

Enough of all these analysis that is getting me nowhere. I can only hope tomorrow will be a better day. It must be, and it will be.

Such nice weather to snuggle up in bed with a book and that's what I'm going to do with Freakonomics, which is quite a mind-boggling read compared to the fiction I usually fancy.