The thief of time

As the days go by, I lose track of time. I try not to know the date, although I can't run from the fact that I know the days. Feigning or pretending not to know. Just because I don't want to know that so much time has passed with me doing nothing or wasting my life away or simply not making any progress in life at all. Guilty for wasting time, for just doing what I do. We all love to take a break and do nothing, read a nice book to escape this reality, watch a nice and heartwarming drama to indulge in ideal romances and happy endings, try out a new recipe and savour the taste of your efforts. So much to do, but so little time they say. But one reason, or the only reason I might say, why these time was so treasured was because there was a deadline to this leisure or holiday. What happens when we have too much of it? No one wants to be doing these forever, and eventually, we run out of dramas to watch, books to read and get tired of this life. There is no deadline or expiry date for this holiday. It feels as if everyone has moved on except you, as if the train has left and you're left standing at the platform. I have my dreams and aspirations, but all these cannot come true if the train doesn't come again. Just simple wishes and aspirations that are so difficult to fulfill right now.

It always hurts when you prepare so much for something but things almost always never turn out the way we want to. I just didn't expect how different things turned out. So I did all I can. When you really really want something, you try your very best to get it, but what happens when you don't even get a chance to try? Not given a chance to prove yourself (or maybe you were, you just didn't notice it). I feel upset to have disappointed the people who cared, who had faith in me, who wished me well (but this is life, isn't it? You can never be perfect in society, perhaps you can on paper and certificates).

I accept this as a test for me, but sometimes I just can't help but feel so indignant. Why me? Why me? I understand that sometimes it's not how good you are, it's how lucky you are. Nothing is really ever fair in this world. I made the most of the chance I was given, but it seems my best was not enough. So I tell myself I must not lose faith, but for how long can I maintain my hope and faith? I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, but it feels kind of better to know that many others are feeling the way I do as well. But it still doesn't make my life less bleak. I can't say anything to motivate anyone right now because I can't even motivate myself, so I'll let this picture I found online do the job if you need any right now. I don't know who to credit this picture to, I think tumblr.