Changes

Quite a lot of things have been weighing on my mind lately.

First is the issue of respect and trust. These two aspects are what I value a lot personally. I wonder which comes first. Does one first have trust, then respect for an individual? Or does one first respect, then trust. For me, I guess it's the former. Especially for seniors whom I am expected to respect. Perhaps it's because I think too highly of myself that I give myself the right to disrespect, but somehow, once I've lost that trust, I find it really difficult to respect. I know I'm being really vague here but people who I've shared this to will know. The incident did not happen to myself, but to my mother, whom I really really love a lot. Why did it have to be against my mother? I question it every time. Just when I thought things were getting better, I was getting closer to my dad, why did it have to happen? Yes until today, I still find it difficult to speak to him. 

So naturally, God has a solution to my problem. God always provides. He has been speaking to me about forgiveness for the longest time ever. To be able to respect and trust again, I must forgive my dad for what he has done, like my mother did. 

The word forgive has come to me countless times. Mostly when I read the book of Matthew, and also other r sources. So I know I definitely must forgive. I know myself very well, not going to believe and blame it on horoscopes that scorpios are very good at bearing grudges anymore or refuse to change because I now believe that change can and must only come from within. I know that with my strength alone, I cannot forgive. But with Jesus I can. My leader told me to forgive with Jesus's strength. This is one of the crosses that I must take up.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? (Mark 8:34-36 NIV)

Father Lord I surrender this to you. It will not be easy, but I will do this! Every day I surrender.

Another thing I've learnt this week is to stop judging others. It cannot stop immediately because it's only human to judge, but I'll start with clarifying things with the friend first before assuming and judging. Thank you Lord, for holding back my tongue from saying hurtful things, from speaking impulsively, from regretting the words I've said, for making me think twice Lord. I am ever so thankful. I managed to salvage a friendship that I once thought was beyond repair. I found out the reasons behind what the actions. How wrong I was, really. I also feel happier, now that I've stopped thinking the worst of others.
I read somewhere that the reason why people judge is because they look at others through a magnifying glass and at themselves through rose tinted lenses. Hence that results in people being hypocrites because they find it acceptable for themselves to do something and yet still judge others when they do the same. The correct way would be to look at others through rose tinted lenses and hence assuming the best of others, then observing ourselves using a very huge magnifying glass. This is not to say that we become caught up with ourselves, but to be more aware of our actions and what impact it will have on others. That way, I believe we will become better and happier people.

On a completely unrelated note, I want to share a quote: When you don't see the miracle, be the miracle.