A heart of gratitude

Father Lord, I just cannot thank You enough for today. Thank you for such a great gift, such a great blessing.

It all happened during a time of prayer. Jacq, who I just got to know today prayed for me, and that prayer also ministered to me, because it dawned on me that while I know that God loves me, I have been seeking solace and holding on to material things like online shopping, clothes to fill myself up, thinking that they can make me happy and feel good. Yes, dressing well can make one feel good, but it cannot go overboard. And it was a reminder that I only God can fill me up. Not food, not worldly desires like clothes, money or anything else. It is only God who can fill the hole in my heart. Not only does God fill up the emptiness in my heart, He will hold my heart in His hands because that is the safest place where it will be.

Then she started praying for me to receive the Holy Spirit because she felt God speaking to her to pray for me, including those she prayed earlier. Jill, who was beside me, also started praying for me. I felt kind of nervous, like what if I cannot receive it? What if my faith is not enough? Then they said to focus on God, and think of God, so after I calmed my nervous heart, I thought of God, of Jesus, of the times that God stood by me, forever faithful. And after a while, I felt like there was something I wanted to speak, not in English, not in words, but I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to continue after the initial burst of that one word. So I was like a baby, wanting to speak but unable to. I confided in them and Jacq said that it's like that, that it's normal, so we started again. This time round, I thanked God for the gift and then I spoke out in faith. And at that moment, I started crying. I mean, I've always known God is real, that God is always with me and with us but at that moment, I could really really feel God's presence and that God is SO real. And then after that, Jill said that actually she also felt it, and when Jacq spoke to me about it then she knew it was time. So yes, thank you Lord!! I am also thankful to Jacq and Jill for their prayers. Somehow, everything was not planned at all but things turned out so well. Really, it's divine. I sat beside Jill by chance and before that we were talking about tongues when we prayed. Never did I expect to be Holy spirit baptized today. God's ways are always higher than mine.

And during prayers, Jill gave me a vision, that I am a seed. A hand picked up a seed and held it close to His heart, then planted it into the ground. That seed grows into a strong plant. Yes, that hand belongs to my Heavenly Father God. The thing that spoke to me most during the conference was self worth. Try as hard as I might, I still cannot help but define my self worth based on what I do, how people view me. And that is such a wrong view. My worth is based on nothing else but my Father's love for me.