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Suddenly in the mood for some reflections, thinking about what I've wanted to achieve in life and what I've done in attempts to reach it. I guess I'm not unique, everyone wishes to make a difference somehow, yet I used to think 'making a difference' was something so personal to me. Still, I do try my best to, but somehow, along the way, I forgot about 'making a difference', things got monotonous, I lost sight of the road ahead, focusing only on the present. I don't even know what I'm rambling on about, just...trying to tell myself not to continue what I've been doing. But as with all things, changes always come at the perfect time. With the change at work, I suppose I'll get busier and hopefully, happier, ironic as it sounds.

And no one ever said I can only make a difference in one way, so I found other ways to contribute and continue what I want to do. Finally managed to do some volunteer work near my house and I'm really happy to be part of the events as a helper instead of the participant that I always was.

I really hope to find more meaning in my life. I'm not satisfied watching the days go by sitting at home on weekends, though I get rest, not satisfied busying myself with choosing which new clothes to buy next, not satisfied that I haven't made much of a difference.

I know things will get better because all these take time, and in time, I really do hope to look upon the past and know that I've truly, indeed touched the lives of others.

Not that long a reflection, but it got my thoughts sorted out so it's a good thing! Ending with a quote told to my by a teacher that I will always remember.

TTR Tribal beat denim shorts

I think I may have just found my new pair of favourite shorts! Just received this in the mailbox today. I bought this pair of shorts, though I don't have much occasions to wear them apart from the weekends. I was too attracted to the tribal prints. Pondered and pondered over it on Sunday during their launch until it got sold out so I went back at 8pm on Monday and saw it available due to deadbuyers:D Compared the measurements against my F21 shorts and decided to get it in size L because I wanted to wear it lower than midwaist. 

Close up of the prints

No idea why the prints are of two different shades on both sides of the shorts but it's fine with me. The denim is rather thick and of good quality too! Similar to the F21 shorts that I have but can't really wear anymore since it got too loose without a belt to fasten it. Going to bring this for my trip to Medan next week! I hope it won't be too cold to wear shorts, hahaha.

TTR Oasis Jumpsuit

I can count with my fingers how many purple coloured clothing I have, simply because it never occurred to me to buy clothes in purple. And I very much prefer colours like white and navy. It has never really been my favourite colour, though I know some of my friends love purple! But not that they wear lots of purple clothes. Haha. But anyhow, I got this jumpsuit from TTR in purple during their sale. 

I bought it in size S. Lined and stretchy, it fits well but I think I look fat in it. Yet I like the jumpsuit as a whole): Oh well, I think it's the purple colour that I've got to get used to. It comes with a sash too so perhaps tying the sash might make it look better. I guess people are generally not too adventurous so its still available on the site while the other colours are sold out. Nevertheless, I still like the cut of it. Now to find an occasion to wear it out. 

Tiong Bahru Bakery

Visited Tiong Bahru Bakery some time in December with my Mum. Always wanted to try (okay I know I have lots of places I want to try) the food there because I saw so many photos on Instagram.
I was feeling hungry so I ordered a burger!

This was the squid ink burger with smoked salmon. Just listing whatever I can see here because I forgot what it was called. Not my usual burger. I like my burgers hot from the pan (the patty at least, but there's none here) so this was rather cold though I think they did heat it up for me. My Mum said that the vegetables they used for this burger is some expensive veg but I couldn't appreciate it. It was too bitter for my liking but I finished them all anyway before I started eating the salmon. The squid ink burger bread didn't taste very much different from the usual white bread, except that it was probably more flavourful. A rather nice combination, the squid ink bread with salmon. Won't be trying this again though!

Lemon tart to share. I liked the lemon but not the tart. The tart was seriously too hard and difficult to cut through. You know they give us metal knives to use on these porcelain plates, and how loud a sound the knife makes when it comes into contact with the plate. Once again, not another item I'll try again.

My Mum's latte. I can't comment much since I'm not a coffee drinker, but nice latte art, I guess.
I guess we didn't order the items that were really nice. My Mum told me that her colleague said the foccacia bread was nice. Probably another time, but not so soon, haha. I've still got a whole list of places to check out(:

My idea of breakfast

Hi everyone! What's your favourite meal of the day? Mine has got to be breakfast! Because I love deciding how to start the day healthily and preparing my own breakfast(: 

Some healthy breakfast ideas to share, I usually look at the portion size listed in the nutrition information and just have one serving of it. Portion sizes are really important if you want to eat healthily because the healthy pyramid states 'Eat all foods in moderation'

I like having cereal and oats and bread, so my breakfast is usually either one of that with fruits/milk/soy milk. 

Blueberries with Fitnesse cereal. The few times I had blueberries for breakfast. My Mum bought them intending to make cake with it, but changed her mind in the end. It was actually my first time tasting fresh blueberries and I liked it, shall buy them when I see them(: Calories: Less than 200

Fitnesse cereal with strawberries. I secretly like not pouring milk over the cereal because the cereal gets soggy real fast and I have to race against time to finish it while its still crunchy, but not that I have the luxury of time in the morning anyway. I think this should be around 200 calories as well.

Oats with banana and milk. This kept me full till about 11. Usually my breakfast doesn't really keep me full, probably because I eat too early. At about 9am or so my stomach starts to make funny noises again. Oats and milk would be about 200 calories, and a banana, probably 150 more, so I guess this explains why this was more filling!

Oats with milk and blueberries. This was one of the rare times that I disliked what I was eating. You can see that the milk looks so diluted, because I made this from milk powder, and didn't know how to estimate, so I ended up drinking milk that tasted like water. Still healthy but I was so sad that it didn't taste nice. 

This isn't meant to be my breakfast, but my lunch one day last week actually. Didn't feel like having rice/noodles so I found myself looking for a sandwich. Couldn't find a decent sandwich so I bought crystal jade's Brown bread. That's really its name, haha. It contains raisins, walnuts, oats and wholemeal stuff. Had two slices with a cup of low fat yoghurt and it felt so satisfying though I didn't have the mood to eat. Will definitely be buying this more often. It's free of trans-fat! But it's not really cheap. $3 for 6 slices small but thick slices. In terms of calories, I think it works out to a little more than 300 calories or thereabouts. I really like how this brown bread tastes so I wouldn't mind having it plain for breakfast as well, which explains why its here, together with my breakfast options(: 

Actually I'm not too sure how much I should be taking in per meal. I guess if the limit is 1200 calories per day, then it should be 400cal per meal, but then what about fruits in between meals? Okay I shall go look it up and find out! 

Cause we're cheapos like that

Marmalade pantry has been on my list of restaurants to visit for a long long time after I saw so many people posting photos of their pasta and desserts. But never really put much thought into actually planning to visit since it's rather expensive. And then came the one for one promotion in December last year. Omg, I'm lagging behind so much, it's already March. But nevermind, own time own target! Went with Amanda!:D We never expected there to be a queue, and a really long one at that, but what to do, we were already there, so we decided to queue. I think we queued for at least 30 minutes before getting a seat. And I already decided on what to order even before I reached. 

Haha posing with the piece of paper. 

Crabmeat linguine. No question about it. I wanted to try this so much after the good reviews. And true enough, it was really really good. It was cooked with real crabmeat, which is rather rare, and the tomato pieces were huge as well, not forgetting the pine nuts that I like. In case anyone is wondering, we both ordered the same dish! That's why there is only one photo of the main dish, hahaha. 

And this! The sticky date pudding! This was also really good. We finished this up in minutes because the cake was so warm and the ice cream was so cold, such a nice combination similar to chocolate lava cake and cold ice cream. The crunchy bits below the ice cream tasted nice though we were trying very hard to figure out what it was.

So that sums up our visit to Marmalade pantry! I'd love to try the other food but I'll most probably end up ordering crabmeat linguine again..

CNY 2013

As the years go by, Chinese new year takes on a different meaning for me. When I was a kid in primary school, I don't vaguely remember being excited over the new year. Probably because I was a fat kid, and each time my relatives saw me, they would comment that I'd gotten chubbier. As such, I don't recall looking forward to it. But I didn't really dread it because you know, kids didn't care being called fat. I just continued eating and getting fatter. Gosh so many photos serve as evidence of my fat self. 

And when I got older, in secondary school maybe, I started to appreciate new year more, got more conscious of what my relatives would say. Lost weight and gone were those comments. Then, since my family is not the type to keep in close contact with the relatives, came the awkward silences and polite conversations. 

Then these days, new year to me is first of all, looking forward to a period of rest, then the goodies I get to enjoy, and then the clothes I get to shop for (not that I need a reason to shop these days anyway). Some photos I took during CNY (mostly of food because I'm lonelygirl like that, haha).

Chocolate peanut butter cups my Mum made, and which I also helped to make. She figured the recipe for the peanut butter filling on her own, and it really tasted like the one from Reese's, except that its bigger. Reese's is my favourite chocolate snack after just plain chocolate. Snickers and Mars don't really appeal to me already. I guess after a long time of not having such food, tastes can change as well, which is a good thing for my stomach and health!

Chewy oatmeal raisin cookies which I claimed to be the healthier choice of cookies, because well, it is! Instead of additional unhealthy calories such as chocolate chips, I added muesli and raisins (okay raisins also contain sugar, but healthier, right!) And I was afraid that it wouldn't taste nice, but it tasted really nice! I'd make it again. Promoted it to my aunt and she commented that it was really nice! So I gave her a small box of it and printed out the recipe for her too to try baking it herself at home. I got it from brown eyed baker here. I love her recipes cause they always turn out nice and yummy! Really chewy and even my brother commented that it was good. Shall bake these again to use up the muesli my Mum has!

And these, that once used to be my favourite, but not anymore. Now the cause of my misery. Spent quite a lot of time and energy to make these. I love the texture of these pineapple tart crusts. I'm not going to eat any of these anymore, neither am I going to make any of these. In future, I'm just going to eat those that people tell me are nice. 

Our snack trolley! Quite proud that 80% of all these snacks are home-baked. Not by me of course, I only baked those two I mentioned above. My Mum took a week's leave and baked chocolate chip cookies, our all time favourite, Viennese cookies, almond crescents, Kuih bangkit, peanut cookies, butter cake, carrot cake and baked the raw nuts that we bought from the wholesalers. Didn't eat too much of these snacks these year because of my inherent fear of gaining weight, but I had quite a bit of mandarin oranges though. My favourite goodie has to be the Kuih Bangkit because its so melt in the mouth. I'm aware that its made with coconut which means saturated fat but I tell myself that its just once a year so I get less guilty, haha. 

And the steamboat reunion dinner! You can hardly see anything except for empty plates and newspapers, but I seasoned all the meats! I love steamboat because its rather healthy! Not much oil and lots of vegetables. And because its reunion dinner, we had a lot of good ingredients like scallops my favourite! And the CP wantons as well:D 

And the first yu sheng I had at the clinic and the nicest I ever tasted because the nurses prepared the carrots, cucumbers and all the other ingredients themselves. I have never really liked yu sheng because of all the funny tasting ingredients but this was the first one that I really enjoyed:D

Outfit for day one! Hollyhoque's Pastel Garden dress. My third floral dress I think! I liked the prints on a pair of shorts but it was too short for me so when I saw the preview for this dress I knew I had to buy it! Such shopaholic mentality. Kind of shorter than the dresses I usually wear but its acceptable for me. I realised that for flare dresses 32" feels really short, but for shift dresses like these, 32" works fine for me(:

Outfit for day two! The closet lover crochet in the city top and the tinsel rack's skater skirt(: Not a very festive outfit but I just wanted to wear the crochet top out. Visited my paternal aunt and saw my cousins whom I hadn't seen in years. Had a really good time catching up with them. I hadn't laughed so much with my relatives in a long time. I guess we have Facebook and Whatsapp to thank for our reunion, haha. 

And on day three my paternal relatives came over and we played host. It was quite a fruitful new year for me this year, because I finally met my paternal relatives after so many years. I really hope that we'll be able to continue to meet like this because I like how real they are and how warm they can be. And I guess that's how it is with family (and maybe even close friends as well), even after years of not meeting, people can still carry on from where they left off and remain close. 

Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done

So my guesses were right after all, my decision to follow my heart has been met with objections.

But I will not be afraid. Life is too short. We never know when our lives will come to an end. I don't want to live my life not knowing God well enough. I once thought it was sufficient for me to read daily quotes from the bible and learn God's message on my own because my family members are non-believers, but after this, I really don't want to end my life not going to church. Been in a dilemma for the longest time ever and I finally made my decision. Although I would never have chosen not to attend. I was always waiting for the right time, waiting for the time that my family would accept my choice. Though going to church does not make me more Christian than I am now, I believe that it can help me to understand God more. I naively thought that there were no more barriers in between myself and attending church, but an invisible one came out today - my grandmother. The hurtful words, I will bear it all. Facing judgement from my closest family, I will bear it too.

I decided that if I were to attend church, I will not hide, neither will I be secretive about it because it is not anything to be ashamed about. God is good, why should I try to hide that fact that I'm a believer of God?

Sometimes I'm really envious of friends whose entire family are christian, then it would be a family affair. No obstacles to face, simply accepting God. But I always believe that God will always have His own plans. It is said that the foolishest of God is greater than the wisest of man.

I will trust in God's plans. My cousin in Heaven will definitely be pleased to know that I have made my choice because of her.

Today, 3rd March 2013, I confided in my parents. And I thank God for them because they are so supportive and understanding. It's like a huge stone has been lifted up from my back. One thing to look forward to next week! It's a long week ahead with two days of clinic and more work than usual. I hope I survive.

Bought the most expensive dress ever online this week and I'm so pleased with the quality. Been eyeing the Love, bonito Fairfield frock for the longest time ever and I finally bought it in red because dark nude was sold out at that time. I loved the white colour but it was sold out long long ago. The lace details are so pretty. I even contemplated ordering it in XS in nude but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to fit into it, so I bought it in S instead. It fits alright though it's a little loose at the waist. I love it but I'm afraid of looking like a red packet when I wear it out. But I will wear it out soon, after I wear those meant for CNY first.

On another note, took a formal photo for the new staff badge this week and I'm so afraid that it'll turn out bad. I was finally pleased with photo used for my staff pass after all the times I try to hide the photo on my student passes, ez link cards in NUS, JC, secondary and primary school, and now they are going to change it):

And sometimes, or rather during the times I feel lazy and unmotivated to go jogging, I secretly hope that it'll start raining or that the temperature will be so unbearable that I'll be able to not go jogging because of the above mentioned excuses. But today I have no other excuse apart from the fact that I am truly lazy. Oh well, there is always next week, right? Or the week after next.

Loss

I guess I've always taken living for granted. But I realized this week how fragile and precious life is. Accidents happen, people do things on the spur of the moment. I guess none of us ever thought that the things that have been reported in the news could actually happen to us. No one would have expected that people close to us would be reported in the news as well.

1. Treasure life
At our age, we lament over getting older, not being a teen anymore. But in our parents', grandparents' and relatives' eyes, we are still so young. And no matter how old we get, our parents will always worry, be on the lookout and care for us.

2. Treasure the people around us
Always show your love to the people you love. Let them know how you feel. Life is too short to bear grudges or get angry over small issues. You never know what can happen the next moment. Let there be no 'what-ifs', 'if only's, because whatever you choose to do at that moment, you felt it was the best choice. Do not ever regret your actions.

Keep in mind that we all love you. We will never forget you, but we take comfort in the fact that you are with the Lord right now receiving the love from God and I look forward to the day that we will meet again.

God sent His son

God sent His Son, they called Him Jesus 
He came to love, heal and forgive 
He bled and died to buy my pardon 
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives 

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow 
Because He lives, all fear is gone 
Because I know He holds the future 
My life is worth the living just because He lives 

How sweet to hold a new born baby 
And feel the pride and joy He gives 
But better still the calm assurance 
That child can face uncertain days because He lives 

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow 
Because He lives, all fear is gone 
Because I know He holds the future 
My life is worth the living just because He lives 

And then one day I'll cross the river 
I'll fight life's final war with pain 
And then as death gives way to victory 
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives 

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow 
Because He lives, all fear is gone 
Because I know He holds the future 
My life is worth the living just because He lives