Haven't been penning down my thoughts for some time because I've been feeling peaceful and at ease with myself until recently.
I don't know if time is the factor, or if I'm insecure about certain friendships, or if it's the person I'm uncertain about. I don't know why some people are so difficult to love, in Fanqin's terms. Just when I thought things were going well between myself and a friend, something has to happen, something the friend did to test my patience/tolerance. It must be a test from God to test me, to test if I can really love this friend. It's always easy to love a friend when things are going well, when days are happy.

I just realised the relevance of yesterday's service in my situation now. Praise God, really. At such a moment when I'm feeling so dejected, jaded and at a loss, God reminds me to apply what I learnt yesterday.

Titus 2:9-10 Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive. (NIV)

Just reading it like this, I wouldn't have realised the relevance of this scripture in my life, but yesterday, Pastor Jeff explained it in layman's terms, that even if we are caught in less than ideal situations, we must still shine in the name of Jesus. For it is only in the darkest of the skies where stars can shine the brightest. I want to be a bright star in the dark sky.

That's right, I must learn how to love this friend. I don't know myself very well, but I do know that I have very high expectations of people and I often feel let down/disappointed/annoyed by their actions. I can't do it on my own, but with God's strength, I can love them better.

Thank you Lord for this reminder and guidance, I love You Lord. I know what to do now. I must become smaller, He must become greater.

Worship

Every week in service, there will always be a few songs that speak to me such that I feel God's presence such that I inevitably tear silently.


I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind me

The God of angel armies is always by my side

The one who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine

Nothing formed against me shall stand

You are faithful

You hold the whole world in Your hands

First run: NTUC RUN 350

Finally participated in my first ever 10km run in April this year! I was kind of apprehensive about it after my 6km zoo run. During the zoo run, I was running a fever and experienced shortness of breath. Moreover, the smell or should I say stench did nothing to make me feel better. I couldn't run at all and walked most of the 6km. I was so upset over it because I actually trained for it by going to run more regularly and managed to run 6km in 45 minutes or so. But my timing for the zoo run was actually an hour or so if I didn't remember wrongly. Thereafter, I stopped running for 3 weeks due to the phobia of shortness of breath and that sick feeling I got during the zoo run. I can't remember if I trained for the 10km but I don't think I did. So I just braced myself for it, just hoping for the best and that I would be able to complete it since I'd never ran 10km ever in my life.

Signed up for the run with Su xian, so thankful to her for agreeing to run with me, with her not being the type to run and lacking sleep for two consecutive weekends, she still woke up at 5am to take the first train with me and go for it. I took the first train that arrived at Woodlands at 5:45am and reached there at about 6:30 which was the recommended time. The flag off time was 7am or 7:15am, or was it 6:45am? My memory is so bad.

At the starting point! I was quite apprehensive about the run at this point. So afraid that the sick feeling would come again.

Soon after, the gunshot was heard and it was time to run! It wasn't as cramped like the zoo run where we had to walk quite a distance before we could start running at our own pace, so I got into momentum rather quickly. We were in the middle so we were just the average runners but its alright, it's never a competition between us and others, it's us and ourselves. I was surprised at how my legs didn't get tired or how there wasn't any sign of fatigue throughout the run. There wasn't any thought of stopping at all like how I always felt in the past, probably because my pace was very slow and my endurance got better throughout the past year.

The following photos are kind of blur because I took them while I was still running.

We passed by Geylang. A far cry from the usual scene at night. I got quite a shock when I went visited Geylang for dim sum the previous time, more on that in another post!

We ran through a tunnel as well! That's a first for me. After the tunnel came the steepest slope of the 10km, so unprepared for it especially since it was already nearing the end.

And..couldn't help but take a photo of these discarded cups a short distance from the water point. This run is run350, which has a theme of saving the environment, yet the participants threw the cups away along the path, expecting others to pick after them. I was quite disappointed to see that and needless to say, I wasn't one of those people who did this.

And here, I was feeling very excited because I could see the finish point already.

And here, done with the run and having a well deserved banana and some 100 plus(: Got our medals as well.
Though we only ran 10km, which can hardly be considered a long distance if you compare it to a marathon of 42km or even a half marathon of more than 21km, I consider it a small milestone in my running achievement. I don't know if I will ever run 21km, though I really wish to challenge myself, I don't know if my mind has this sort of discipline. It's more than 3 times of what I usually run and I will definitely need to run 15km or more as training for it. Perhaps someday I will, because it doesn't matter how long you take, as long as you reach your goal, right?

The pretty helix bridge.

We decided to entertain ourselves by taking jump shots in front of super mario! Haha Su xian looks so nice when she jumps but my legs always look so weird when I attempt jump shots.

We settled at Macdonalds for breakfast. I know right, didn't even burn that much calories and yet having such a heavy meal. I didn't want Macs initially, but then I saw that they had the new flavour for the hot cakes and was tempted to try the chocolate topping. Sadly, it was such a bad decision. It was just hot fudge in a container. I used the maple syrup instead.

Running, to me, was once a way to lose weight and look better in clothes. But now it is a means to clear my head and spend time with God and talk to God, once I get over the inertia of getting off my chair or bed and put on my running shoes. It has become something enjoyable at times although I admit that I'm not the most disciplined runner nor the fastest runner. But now that I've fallen twice within a span of less than a month, I won't be able to run for some time. I pray for speedy recovery of my wound and that there wouldn't be any inherent fear of running. But to prevent any possible falls again, I will probably invest in a good pair of shoes before I run again.